For You, Rare Bird
by LisaDouglas
Summary: After he's violated by Mary Eunice, Timothy takes Jude and flees Briarcliff.
1. Kill Her

Chapter One- Kill Her

"_Kill her." Jude had growled defensively under her breath, clutching her fist with a frenzied desperation._

Timothy looked back on Jude's declaration with a frantic mind and a heavy heart. At very first he'd been shocked, not just by her words, but by the sheer intensity behind them. He'd always known that she was more than just his rare bird. It was why he had made her head of Briarcliff. She was smart, passionate and possessed an aggressive streak she'd never shown to him, but he always knew was there.

Timothy couldn't stop thinking about that crazed look in her eye when she'd said it. It was jealous, desperate and vengeful and he knew in an instant that she would do the deed herself if given half the chance. Given her deteriorated state he wouldn't blame her. It had been Mary Eunice, or rather the Devil in Mary Eunice that had taken her down to this level: the level of a madwoman. Still, for a few moments, he was floored by what she'd said. Such hate pooled in her eyes when she'd suggested he kill another living soul. But within just a few seconds, he'd come to realize that it wasn't really too harsh of a solution: it was their only solution.

"Oh Jude if it were only that easy." Timothy whispered to himself, he looked over his injured hands and wrists has he walked down the stairs, making his way toward the common room.

It was strange wandering about the halls of the institution alongside all the patients. It made part of him afraid that he'd be sucked in and stuck there forever…like Jude now was. Timothy paused when he entered the common room, standing under the door and watching the myriad of events that were taking place. Several patients ran around yelling and chasing one another, while several others sat playing various games, Pepper, for example, was in the corner with some of the others, playing Candyland. Next Timothy's gaze fell upon the lone couch in the room.

"Jude?" He asked, his concern for her piqued as he rushed over to her.

She was slumped to the side and seemed half conscious. When he reached her side he began to call for a guard to take her to her room but stopped realizing that because of Mary Eunice and her wishes; she'd get no care. Instead he sat next to her and took her into his embrace. He looked her over carefully, surveying the fresh burns running all around her head. He reached up to touch one of them and she winced trying to pull away. It was clear she'd just undergone another round of electroshock therapy, at the behest of Mary Eunice and of course, Doctor Arden was all too happy to assist. Jude was weak and barely present with him. She fell back into Timothy's arms and stared up at him from her place on his lap. He studied her eyes for a moment, wondering how present she was inside; her eyes were cloudy and simply stared rather than observed.

"What have they done to you my rare bird?" He inquired, running his finger along the side of her chin.

Jude understood and didn't say a word; instead tears just began to run down her cheeks. She closed her eyes tightly, wanting to shut out the pain. His renewed interest in her hurt perhaps more than his betrayal and the physical pain combined because she knew it was fleeting and she couldn't bare the thought of being abandoned by him again. Timothy paused, just holding her for a moment, no one in the room noticing him sitting there, cradling the hated former nun in his arms.

Over the past day, Jude's declaration and her newfound state as a madwoman had settled in his mind and began to rattle him to the core. While he'd watched Mary and Arden take her down, he hadn't really noticed how much this place had changed her and how she was close to becoming subhuman now, his rare bird seeming more to him like a rabid dog.

"_She violated me Jude. My virtue, she took it from me." He'd said, in the kitchen the day before, finding the utmost comfort in taking her hand. _

He had looked up at her, for the first time seeing the pain in her still clear brown eyes when he told her this. Yesterday she'd been angry, determined, and barely able to speak but still present with him. Timothy looked back, realizing he had been focused on himself and how violated and ashamed he felt about what Mary had done to him…what he'd failed to realize in the kitchen was that she was being tortured.

Looking into Jude's eyes now that she lye weak in his arms made him feel the part of a heartbroken fool. He'd known for a long time that Jude had feelings for him. This was evident in everything she did for him, from the dinners, to her unwavering support for everything he desired and believed in. Yet somehow it was all more evident now than ever, with her lying on his lap, near catatonic and half dead.

"I couldn't kill her Jude." He whispered, beginning to run his fingers through her long blonde hair. She whimpered at his touch and tried to pull away, but timothy held her there. "My God what are they doing to you?" He asked himself.

The physical evidence of her misery was an immense shock to him now. He couldn't believe what he'd been watching and ignoring all this time. He could feel that she was weak. He held the whole weight of her in his arms now, her head in his hands and her body on his lap. She'd gone totally limp in his embrace and while he'd never held her like this before, it was obvious to him that she had lost weight.

"Oh Jude…I couldn't kill her, it is surely God that prevented her from killing me just now…what are they doing to you?" He asked again, deciding not to inform her that a small segment of her blonde hair was now soaked in blood.

Timothy knew he'd be leaving the asylum in a matter of days and going back to the convent where he lived; even then, he wondered how he would deal with the reckless Mary Eunice. Truthfully, he didn't want future dealings with her. He feared that if he went to other priests and nuns about her; they'd deem him crazy too and like Jude he'd be thrown into Briarcliff and locked away. He knew that was likely Mary's plan for him no matter what he said or did.

Timothy looked down at Jude again, surprised when she tried to mumble something. She grabbed his forearm and squeezed it, shutting her eyes. It hurt him so much to see her in pain. After yesterday he wondered how he'd been so blind all this time. He'd trusted the Devil, and his own naked ambition, ignoring the fact that a good woman had loved him for years now. This was the woman who wanted to give the world to him or at least, help him win it. He felt so ashamed that he hadn't realized till now, that he was her whole world.

"Jude, I'm so sorry I couldn't kill her. I-I know you said that was our only solution." He whispered so that no one but her could possibly hear. "But there is one more thing we could try you and I together..."

He gulped, not sure if he was ready to make this kind of commitment. But he had to; after all, she'd been so committed to him for so long. The idea had occurred to him the moment he'd failed to kill Mary. It really was the only solution they had. He was nervous and sort of indecisive about it, but he knew he owed it to Jude. If he didn't take this step they would kill her and he couldn't live with that.

"It's true that I couldn't kill her…but I refuse to let you down or leave you behind, my rare bird…I'm fleeing this place tonight. I'm going to disappear forever and leave the church. And I'm taking you with me."


	2. Patient G2573

Chapter Two- Patient G2573

"Come on." Timothy whispered.

"Ummm." Jude mumbled a muffled protest, attempting to push him away as he scooped her up in his arms and sat her up.

It was very late at night; perhaps even early in the morning when Timothy came to Jude's cell, waking her at her bedside.

"Jude we'll have to be exceedingly quiet if we're to get out, do you understand?" He asked, clasping a hand firmly over her mouth.

He knew she wasn't talking, but didn't want to risk the possibility of her making a sound anyway. Jude nodded just once, signifying that she understood.

Timothy brought a shaky Jude to her feet, quickly wrapping a coat around her shoulders; she was very surprised and comforted to find that it was her own coat…he'd gotten her things? This was for real? While she couldn't speak or respond, Jude was actually fully present. And until now, she hadn't believed for a moment that Timothy was coming for her…that night, or ever.

"Don't say a word. Don't make a sound." He warned, taking her hand in his own. Jude did not even have the strength to squeeze his hand, but managed to follow quickly; keeping pace with each of his hurried steps and it was exhausting.

They got down the hall with relative ease, which worried Timothy. This was the time of night when there were fewest guards and even Mary Eunice seemed to sleep; but that hadn't met that he wasn't expecting to encounter someone. In that moment, they heard footsteps coming toward them. Timothy swiftly grabbed Jude, pulling her around a corner and tight to his chest.

"I told you to search everywhere!" Jude flinched when she heard Mary bark.

"But Sister, it's just Sister Jude and she…" A guard protested, he was one of the guards who didn't understand why Sister Jude was a patient now and didn't feel that he was really crazy.

"Sister who?!" Mary was enraged. "Sister Jude is dead! Do you hear me?! Dead! She's patient G2573!"

Timothy could feel Jude begin to whimper in his arms when she heard this. Ordinarily, he knew a comment like this wouldn't affect Jude, but she'd been so beaten down by Mary that she was actually very afraid now. He longed to say something to comfort her, but he knew that would greatly jeopardize any means of escape they may have left. Instead, he placed a hand over her mouth once more, in an attempt to block any muffled cries she may attempt to utter.

"Judy Martin is a menace to this institution and to herself. I want every guard and every nun on their feet looking for her in the next ten minutes!"

The guard was both a bit shaken and taken aback. His silence made this obvious to Timothy.

"What are you waiting for? Go! Find her! Now!" Mary barked and stormed off in the direction that Jude and Timothy had been headed.

Timothy still held Jude tight after Mary left, thankful that she'd gone away, but doubtful about where to go, afraid to move a muscle. He could feel Jude's heart pounding beneath his grasp, serving as a gentle reminder of how responsible he felt for her now: he had to get her out…no matter what. After all, he was the one who got her here in the first place, but how was he to get her out if everyone was assembled to look for them?

'Damn it.' He wanted to utter. 'What do I do now?'

Timothy and Jude looked up, seeing a flashlight pointed directly at them.

"Monsignor?" A young nun inquired.

Jude shivered; burying her face in Timothy's shoulder. Timothy was surprised; thinking that it would be a guard, or really anyone but this particular young nun. She was only about nineteen and sweet as could be, just as Mary Eunice once was. Timothy didn't know what to do when he saw her and simply placed a finger up to his lips, asking the young nun to be quiet. She looked back and forth quickly between Jude and Timothy, he could see fear flood the young woman's eyes.

"Sister Jude is not an animal or a number." He whispered. "But they wouldn't know that, would they?" The young nun swallowed nervously.

"I know a way out." She informed, barely loud enough to hear.

"Well, what are you waiting for, please, lead us there!"

Timothy grabbed Jude's hand and began to rush the young nun toward the exit she'd promised to guide them to. She stopped when they reached a metal door, opening it quietly. Timothy was surprised to see the entrance to a long tunnel.

"I can only take you this far." She informed. "But if you want to escape, this is the place to do it from."

The young nun had been friends with Mary Eunice and understood that something had happened to her; that she was psychotic and had changed for the worse. She was afraid to be aiding Sister Jude and the Monsignor like this; but she knew it was the right thing to do.

"Thank you so much Sister; what's your name?" Timothy asked.

"Emma." She smiled. "Sister Emma Grace."

"Thank you Sister." Timothy smiled. "I don't know how we'll ever repay you."

"Thanks are enough, God Bless!" She called just loudly enough for them to hear as they began to make their way out the tunnel. She shut the door quickly and all went black around them.

Timothy grabbed Jude, covering her mouth for the fourth time that evening. Jude had spent so much time in solitary now that she was terrified of the dark and he knew she'd scream.

"Don't be afraid of the dark." He reassured. "I've got you."

Jude made a muffled sound as if she were trying to wail.

"I want you to start talking Jude but not now…don't make a sound until we get where we're going!" He whispered forcefully in her ear.

Being that it was so dark, Timothy was at first, not sure how he'd navigate his way through the tunnel. He wrapped his arm around Jude's middle and pressed his free hand along the wall nearest to him, allowing the wall it self to be his guide in the dark. This was very difficult given that he had two bags, his and hers on one of his shoulders, and her weight on the other.

Slowly little bits of light began to dot their path and walking became easier. Timothy and Jude were both relieved to get out of the tunnel and into the moonlight; that is until they realized it was pouring rain.

"Oh bloody hell!" Timothy surprised himself with his utterance. It was something he hadn't said since his days as a boy at boarding school.

He looked down at the mud beginning to pool around Jude's bare feet as the stood in the grass. Without hesitation; he picked her up and placed her over his shoulder, causing her to let out a little yelp this time. He quickly began to make his way to his car, knowing for a fact that Mary would have it secured as soon as she figured out he was gone too. It might already be too late.

Timothy wasted no time when he saw his car, unguarded. He tossed Jude and their bags inside haphazardly, causing her to hit her head on the frame of the door. She winced, squeezing her eyes shut and reaching up to feel the fresh scratch, which had sliced through the already bloody burn marks on her forehead.

Timothy locked the doors and put the car in reverse, zooming backwards down Briarcliff's long driveway and crashing through the unmanned main gate with force. When they finally came to the real road; Timothy put the car in gear once more and sped away, the noise of the engine could be heard for miles around, echoing through the quiet, cold forest, finally finding it's way back up the drive of the asylum to a waiting Mary Eunice's ears. She stood looking out of what was once Jude's office window, her arms folded across her chest and her lips tucked up into an oddly satisfied grin.

"T-they've gotten away Sister." One of the guards came in, he was clearly afraid to confess this. Mary did not turn to look at him.

"It's alright." She said. "We'll let them keep thinking that for a while."

….

Jude awoke a few hours later, the sun shone through the big branches that hung overhead and beat down through the windows on to her face.

"Good morning." Timothy smiled. Jude was surprised to find shoes on her feet and a silk scarf tied neatly around her head.

She opened and closed her eyes a few times, attempting to adjust to her surroundings; it seemed so strange to see sunlight; and even more bizarre to feel the warmth of it on her skin. Timothy had been fast at work while she'd been asleep, getting as far away from Briarcliff as he could, and trying to make her look somewhat presentable for where they were going.

"I don't know where we're going." He confided. "Wherever it is; I think it should be far away from here…but first; there's a matter I must attend to."

Jude wondered what it was he was referring to but understood instantly when he turned off the road suddenly, beginning to head down a long tree-lined private drive.

"Have you ever been to my home before Jude?" He inquired of the convent where he had been living. "As much as we're trying to get away; it wouldn't be right if I didn't formally leave the church, would it?" He asked, hoping that she would reply this time. He knew she would have liked to have been offered the opportunity to resign, that being forced out had been awful for her.

"Well…either way…" He said, stopping the car when they reached the house. "I must resign, and retrieve my things and…ask for my pension." He laughed. "Life is funny of all the things I thought might happen to that pension this was not one of them." Jude put her head down and he wondered if she was sad. He reached over and tucked her hair behind her ear with gentle care. She did not look up and Timothy paused for a moment wondering how to explain this next part to her.

"I'm going to leave you here Jude…in the car, but I'll be back as soon as I can, alright? There's no need to fear." Timothy leaned over and quickly kissed her cheek before getting out of the car.

Jude froze, her hand going up to where his lips had just been. She felt like every time he touched her or kissed her cheek, it woke part of her up and rendered part of her even more incapacitated than she already was.

Timothy was sort of afraid of leaving Jude in the car but didn't know what else to do. What if she wandered off, what if someone else saw her and sent her back to Briarcliff? Timothy tried to calm himself; knowing that only he had the key, for all intensive purposes she was stuck in there without his help, she wasn't getting out and no one else was getting in for sure.

"Monsignor, you're back!" Brother McKennon greeted excitedly, as he came out the front door.

Brother McKennon was the convent's very own version of Mary Eunice. He was about the same age, and was just as sweet but not nearly as gullible as Mary once was.

"Follow me." Timothy ordered almost gruffly.

Brother McKennon looked back at Timothy's car, raising an eyebrow upon seeing a woman sitting in it.

"Sir, I didn't know you had a sister." He commented, following him inside and up the stairs.

"She is not my sister." Timothy clarified, quickly taking two suitcases out of his closet and throwing them on the bed.

"Oh…." He didn't really know what to say; he watched carefully as Timothy began to go through his things, noting he seemed to quickly skip over anything that wasn't personal in nature.

"She's the woman I'm leaving with."

The Brother's heart began to beat faster and he looked up at Timothy horrified when he said this.

"S-she's what?"

By the time he looked up, Timothy had already packed. It hadn't taken him too long; he didn't have much and most of his wardrobe consisted of priest's robes anyway. He figured he should leave those behind.

"I'm resigning from the church." Timothy sighed, taking one last glance around the room and handing one of his suitcases to Brother McKennon.

"B-but why?" He asked Timothy eagerly as he followed him back down the stairs again and ultimately out to the car.

Timothy didn't answer and walked ahead of Brother McKennon, leaving the young priest to chase after him. Meanwhile, Timothy dropped his cases and rushed to open the car door when he saw that Jude was visibly shaking.

"Jude, Jude it's alright; I'm here now, you're not trapped." He soothed, understanding, immediately that she had been growing afraid that she was trapped in this car, much like she'd been imprisoned in solitary confinement at Briarcliff.

"J-Jude?" Brother McKennon choked… "As in Sister Jude, craz…" Timothy shut the car door quickly; not wanting Jude to hear this.

"Don't you ever call her that!" Timothy barked. "She is far from insane, she's smart, and capable…I'm leaving the church to save her life. That is why and it's a good reason."

"I'm sorry Monsignor, I just thought…"

"I know…they want it that way. But I promise you, she's not crazy…I think Mother Claudia knows that as well." He assumed. Timothy sighed.

Timothy and Brother McKennon looked up when the heard the breaks of another car begin to squeak and the low hum of its engine come to a gentle stop when it parked next to them.

A priest who neither of them knew got out of the car first, beginning to set up a wheelchair and in an instant; Timothy knew it was Father Malachi that had driven up. Jude also knew who it was and sunk down in her seat.

"Going on a trip Timothy?" Father Malachi asked enthusiastically. The idea of vacation reminded him that he wanted to take some time to go fishing soon.

"Of sorts, Father." Timothy explained.

"Oh…I see your sister's here." He commented, noticing Jude in the car as his attendant helped him settle into his wheelchair.

"I am leaving with her and she is not my sister."

"Oh…" Malachi understood immediately, or thought he did anyway.

"But if you take a closer look; you would realize that she in fact is a Sister."

Malachi leaned over to look back in the car.

"Jude?! But she…" He protested.

"I'm officially; right now, resigning from the church…I spent some time staying in Briarcliff…the things I saw and experienced there directly at the hand of Sister Mary Eunice were awful and ungodly…and they alone, force me to have to resign."

Timothy took a breath, wondering if he should confess his sin. He felt that his vow was already broken, that it had been broken forcibly when Mary robbed him of his virtue. But instead; he decided to make this about Jude.

"You know Sister Jude, Father…she doesn't deserve to be treated like a madwoman or a rabid dog because she's neither. They've tortured her enough, Mary Eunice and Arden, to drive her into the depths of insanity…and that I can not tolerate because….well because I love her." Jude's eyes were still downcast but she opened them wide when she heard this part. "And someone must care for her…she deserves to be cared for."

"Timothy is there any other way…you were about to be nominated Cardinal…" Timothy paused, he had no idea about this.

It had really been coming. Jude swallowed, hearing and understanding this piece of news as well; she was sure she was done and would be sent back to Briarcliff. A lump developed in the pit of her stomach quickly began to make her feel like she was going to just sink into the seat of the car.

"No." He said. "It wouldn't be right, after….after what I saw there…"

"What do you mean after what you…"

"I can't be a Priest anymore after what I saw and experienced there…it would be like living a lie." Timothy admitted. "A-and the truth is…this lovely woman has been caring for me for years….she is the reason I was ever nominated for Cardinal in the first place, because she's always put my interests ahead of her own…and now its my turn to do the same….because she needs someone to care for her…and love her…and that someone happens to be me."

Jude watched Timothy say good-bye to the two other priests and was crying when he got back into the car.

"There's my girl." He soothed.

In a way he was happy she was crying, it gave him hope because it was better than the lack of emotion she'd been exhibiting.

"I knew she was in there, locked away deep inside. But, there's no reason to cry Jude." He informed, turning on the car. "Are you ready?" He asked, watching carefully as she stared back up at him. He took her hand in his own and kissed it as he began the drive back to the road.

"I know it's a little scary… with no where to go…but with you at my side…I'll be home anywhere."


	3. It's not Rome, but

Chapter 3- It's not Rome, but….

"Where to next?" Timothy inquired as he drove.

Jude looked back at him but didn't make an effort to reply. He sighed. He'd been trying to get her to talk for several hours and she hadn't made a sound. Timothy was understandably disappointed about this, but was relieved she was at least she making eye contact with him again when he spoke. That was a marked improvement.

"You know Jude…if we're going to go and live somewhere together, then I would really like your opinion….where should we go? North? South? West?…Drive into the ocean?" He laughed.

Jude still didn't say anything, she barely even made a face at him, she just continued to stare back, a hint of fear in her brown eyes. He reasoned with himself that at least she was no longer completely catatonic. She studied him now as she stared, and before she'd just gazed, her eyes drilling into him as though she weren't even present within her body.

"It's alright Jude. You don't have to answer. Not until you're ready." He said, all kidding aside.

Timothy pat her knee, and finally rested his hand there, squeezing it ever so gently. Jude looked down, turning her attention to his hand, watching carefully as he squeezed her knee in careful reassurance. His thumb traced gently over the edge of her kneecap. Jude shivered at the feeling of his touch, the simple grazing of her knee seeming so personal. She closed her eyes, letting out a little gasp as his hand slid gracefully up the length of her thigh and under the hem of her skirt…

"Jude did you say something?" He asked, excited for a split second until he realized she'd just been breathing loud or sighing maybe. She hadn't been attempting to say anything.

Timothy's words brought Jude back to the present. She was immediately disappointed that he hadn't really been tracing his hand along her thigh and up under the hem of her dress, she'd been sure he had been. Feeling more disillusioned than ever, she shook her head, hoping to part with the shameful desire that she knew could never become reality.

Timothy sighed. Her silence was bothering him. Had she not wanted him to take her away? To save her? Or was she just irreparably damaged…if she was he blamed himself. Timothy tried to concentrate on the road now. Although he'd asked her where she wanted to go he was driving Northeast. He'd briefly considered going south and getting lost in the biggest city in the world…but then he realized that the choice didn't fit the host of considerations he had to keep in mind.

First, Jude wasn't mentally well. They needed space for her to rest and recover and that would take quiet, tranquility and privacy. Second; if he was going to retire so young and not realize his dreams of the papacy, he might as well go to a place where he could relax and live his life simply…a place where that pension he'd gotten from the Church could go as far as he could make it go…. Finally, he knew that until Mary Eunice was brought down, it was best that they go somewhere where they would not be found by her or anyone else.

"Jude I hope you don't have any objection to Maine…that's where I've decided to take us…I don't know if you've ever been up there. It's beautiful this time of year." He swallowed nervously.

It seemed like he was talking to himself now and that made him feel like he was going to loose his mind. He wanted to hear her voice in the worst way, teasing him, chiding with him, conceding to him…he didn't care what she chose to say, just as long as she spoke.

"I stayed up there once…in a quaint little cabin…out in the middle of no where…" He continued.

Timothy had loved the retreat he'd taken there and at the time, he wished he could've stayed. The idea of living off the land had appealed to him, it was one of the reasons he'd emigrated from England in the first place. Now he was going to get his chance…and it was oddly thrilling to him.

"I loved it…the way the crisp, fresh air filled my lungs, the idea of being miles away from the city…from people. Being able to fish and live off the land…its life as God intended for man. It's not the Vatican." He added, taking her hand in his own once again and lifting it up to kiss it. "But I think it would be good for us. I know it will help you be alright…Please…talk. Give your input Jude…" He interrupted her still reeling thoughts and she turned to stare back up at him once more. "It's just you and me now. You have nothing to fear, it's alright. Tell me what you think, it's our life."

…

'It's our life.' He'd just said. Our life…Jude wondered what kind of life he intended to make with her. She longed to ask more specific questions about where they were going but found she could not even when she tried. Several hours passed and she grew cold, wrapping a blanket she'd found around her tightly. She had so many questions for Timothy, about how he thought they were going to live, about what he was going to do with her and why it was that as a Priest, he owned a Jaguar…. But because she could not speak all of them went unanswered.

As safe as she felt with him, Jude also felt more venerable than she ever had in her whole life. He was the powerful one in the relationship and always had been, but now she couldn't even talk and he was taking her away from everything she knew. It even occurred to her that he could just dispense with her and no one would ever know…or care.

"Hey, hey Jude. Wake up! I have a surprise for you." Timothy smiled, gently shaking her awake.

Jude looked around frightened at first, realizing that she must have fallen asleep again. That was happening an awful lot now that she was stuck dwelling in her own mind, unable to break free and communicate with others. She didn't much care for it. She wanted to talk to Timothy as much as he wanted her to talk, maybe more.

"Guess what I did while you were asleep." He smiled, leaning down to talk to her, she still sat in the car and he was standing right outside her open door, she could tell that he was preparing to help her out.

Timothy was proud and hoped she'd like his surprise, that he'd understand he'd done this for her. Jude tilted her head slightly to the right, doing her best to indicate that she didn't know what he was talking about. Timothy simply smiled and took her hand in his own as he helped her out the car. Jude felt a little wobbly as he brought her to her feet, sensing this, he wrapped his arm around her waist to ensure her steadiness. She reached out, clinging to his arms for the strength to stand.

Jude looked up at the place he'd brought her, confused at first by the lone cabin before her. What was this one cabin doing in the middle of the woods and whose house was it? The idea of it scared her a little and she stepped back, tripping over Timothy's foot. But, he caught her again, keeping her from falling to the ground and pulling her back in close to him.

She stared up at him for a few seconds, her eyes locked with his. Jude almost screamed when she felt Timothy lift her into his arms, completely unexpectedly.

"Welcome to our new home Jude, don't be scared. I've got you."

…

Jude had been fast asleep when Timothy had finally driven into the tiny town he'd been headed toward for many hours. It was close to the place where he'd taken a retreat many years before and had wanted to stay. At the time, he'd even considered leaving the priesthood behind to stay there, feeling a little tug in his heart when he finally decided on going home. He'd never imagined in a million years that he would come back there one day…with a woman.

Timothy went into the town's general store as Jude slept, hoping only to be directed to a hotel they could stay at for a few days, when instead he saw an advertisement for a cabin for sale. He ripped the page from the store's bulletin board, inspecting it carefully. It was a small, broken down old place. Timothy could tell by both the picture and the price that it was a dump…but it was remote, on a private lake…it was a solution he thought he could rely on for the foreseeable future…at least while Jude recovered and they were hiding from Mary Eunice.

Two hours later, Timothy carried Jude over the threshold of the broken down house, having no idea what he would find inside, only that he wouldn't put her down until he found a safe place to do so.

"I'm sorry if it's a little dreary." He said, because it was.

The house was dark and had obviously been neglected for some time. In fact, the place was a wreck, just as he'd suspected it would be, but Timothy was pleasantly surprised that it was warm, somewhat furnished and clean enough to live in…save a little dust. That was all they needed. He gently sat Jude down in an armchair by the fireplace, wishing that she could speak, that she could truly share this moment with him.

"It's not Rome but the good news is that it certainly isn't Briarcliff." He began, sitting on the footstool across from her chair.

She stared off into space but he grabbed her chin, directing her gaze back to him. Her eyes widened and he could tell she was afraid. He let go of her chin and instead cupped her cheek in his hand warmly.

"It's dreary, it needs work. It needs furniture. But it's ours. And we'll do this together. We'll fix it up." He reassured, kissing her hand. "And we'll be happy here. You deserve a little bit of happiness Jude."

The house was small, but not too small. The kitchen and living space was just one big room with a dining table and the armchair he'd sat Jude in to rest. He found that she was becoming increasingly disconnected from him again and left her, to wait for him in as he explored the remainder of the house.

Timothy realized he was a fool for buying a house that he'd never seen. He knew it would be drafty, and that the roof would leak, but so far, he liked what he saw. He found a ladder that led up to a small but cozy loft in the front corner of the living space. Finally, he knew that there were several bedrooms, it was a big reason he'd taken the place, there could be a room for him, and one for Jude…that was only proper, after all…this was when Timothy found himself with a rather awkward problem.

The upside was that the house was far more…sizable than he maybe anticipated at first…there were four bedrooms. For the life of him he didn't know what he would do with that space. But out of four bedrooms, just one of them, the largest one, had a bed…which met that he and Jude would have to share.

Timothy was not sure how Jude would feel about this. Their normal circumstances; that they were a Priest and Nun, no longer really mattered so much, but he still considered that sharing a bed with her when they weren't married would be sinful. He fully realized that Jude had had a thing for him before, and thought that perhaps, if she were in her right mind, they could make this work…but he feared that trying to share a bed with her in her agitated state might terrify her, and make her think that he had intentions that went beyond sleep…

This, of course reminded him of his own agitation. Timothy had spent the last couple of days so hyper-focused on fleeing and on keeping Jude safe that he hadn't had time to reflect on the fact that he'd just been ripped from his own life and more profoundly, that he'd just been raped.

But, now that he was the proud owner of this ramshackle home in the middle of nowhere, sharing a bed with a woman who was not his wife, the reality that he was no longer a priest and his purity was gone, really hit him. The prospect that he'd once again have to share a bed with a woman...that made him extremely nervous. He didn't even know quite how he felt about the rape. He hadn't had time to reflect on it, as the experience had opened his eyes to the abuse that Jude was receiving and so, instead of dealing with his own feelings, he'd channeled them into saving Jude from Mary Eunice and Briarcliff. He knew, that he felt violated, dirty and completely sin-filled. But there was something else, several other feelings turned his stomach, and would, for the foreseeable future, remained unreconciled in his mind.

Timothy looked back at Jude, who still sat in the chair, staring off into space. He came out of the long hallway from what would be their bedroom, finding his newest realization painfully ironic: if he were ever going to relinquish his virtue to anyone, on purpose it would never have been Mary Eunice, even unprocessed…it probably would have been Jude. She was someone to whom his virtue would've met something. And in that instant, he added robbed to the litany of emotions running through his mind about his rape.

"Jude…Jude I think its time we settle in." He took a breath, collecting himself as he spoke to her. He bent down again in front of her chair and tried to get her attention. "I'm going to make us something to eat." He smiled, tucking her hair behind her ear. "You'll be glad to know, I'm actually a very good chef…you always cook for me, so it's my turn to make something for you." He smiled.

Timothy felt bad about the fact that she hadn't eaten much since he'd taken her from Briarcliff. The food there was slop, she had to be hungry. He knew even he was.

"And I figured, that while I make dinner…you could relax in a nice warm bath."

Jude needed a bath probably more than she needed anything else. She was filthy. He would've preferred to throw her in the shower, but she was far too weak, and he knew she'd hurt herself. Timothy pat her knee gently and went into the bathroom to fill the tub with warm water.

…

"Ahhhh!"

Jude was screaming and sobbing. She had the urge to yell 'get off of me!' but found that she could not no matter how hard she tried. All her attempts to speak were futile and she found herself punching and grabbing instead of speaking. Soon, Jude realized, that she could not fight back effectively either.

She'd known that this was all too good to be true and once he'd gotten her last layer of defense stripped away from her she broke down sobbing. She'd been through this kind of trauma once before in her life, many years before, and couldn't bear to experience it again. She shut her eyes, weaker now than when she started and braced herself for the inevitable assault, one she'd previously thought so unlikely from such a lovely man. Jude screamed again as she found herself being lifted upward but then stopped suddenly, confused when she felt her skin hitting warm water.

"Jude! Jude for heavens sake, it's just a bath!" Timothy sighed.

Jude was confused for a moment about what was happening, it wasn't until he spoke again that she caught on.

"Don't look at me like that; like you're all nervous and horrified."

Jude looked up at him in shock and tried to cover herself, not believing what he'd just done. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest and she was very surprised about where she'd ended up. The bath was just about the last place she'd thought he was taking her when he'd began to rip her clothes off, but then again, Jude wasn't exactly in her right mind.

"Well, at least the protesting lets me know you're still in there….somewhere. You deserve to be clean. It's a right. And I'm not going to let you be filthy any longer. A bath is going to be our first step in getting you back Jude and after that…your strength." He smiled, reassured he'd done the right thing now. "And then. Hopefully." He sighed. "Speech."

Timothy wondered how long it had been since she had had a bath, probably since she was still a nun. Mary Eunice had seen to it that everything a human needed for comfort be taken from Jude, even the right of being clean. She was filthy on top of everything else, which was why he'd just put her in a warm bath; despite her struggling with him over it. After she'd protested so much; he wasn't sure what he'd been thinking in forcing her to get in the bath. In hindsight, he'd realized it had really scared her.

"I'm sorry I put you thought all of that…I would've just thrown you in the shower Jude, but you're too weak for that. I'm sorry about that…it's a little indignant for me to to have just…unclothed you and you've already suffered so much indignity, but just know I-I just want you to have your dignity back…So soak for a while, relax, get clean, you deserve it…." He said, turning on the record player, which he'd brought into the room for her. "I'll be back to check on you, to help you get out because you're too weak for that too, and if you find that you can't wash your hair yourself just hand me the shampoo and I'll do it."

Jude reached up to touch her hair as soon as Timothy left, recognizing, especially now that it was a little wet, that it was matted and beyond filthy. Jude closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of the water soaking her skin. It seemed like it had been so long since she'd had a bath, she had almost forgotten what they felt like. She took a deep breath and went all the way under water, staying submerged for a moment, enjoying the feel of having the water overtake her completely. Jude felt her hair float above her and completely to the top of the water line.

"Jude?" He asked, walking back in the room. "Jude!" He panicked when he saw that she'd gone under the water and went directly to her side, reaching down into the water to pull her out. She smiled at him when she came back up and wiped the water out of her eyes.

"Oh I see." He said. "It felt good." She nodded and took another breath, slipping back under the water.

Timothy looked down at her, first noting that the previously clean tub had already been stained, a big brown ring of dirt clung to the perimeter. It made him sad to think that she'd really been that dirty. A few seconds later, Timothy noticed that he hadn't been staring at the ring of dirt, but at her, most specifically at the curve of her hip.

"Uh Jude…" He said nervously, breaking his gaze from her nude form and reaching back under the water to lift her up.

She was out of breath this time but wore a smile on her face.

"I told you the bath would feel better." He reassured. "I'll be back in a bit, but please, don't go under again."

Jude sighed and laid her head back against the back of the porcelain tub, deciding he was right. Timothy hurried out of the bathroom; ashamed for what had just transpired. He couldn't believe he'd just been sitting there staring at her body. He felt disturbed about this…like he'd sinned, like he'd violated her somehow…and at the same time; he felt almost happy with himself in some way. He supposed he'd been taken by surprise in seeing her like that…in anything but her regular black robes, much less…nude…he never thought she would've been so…

"Timothy, stop." He told himself. "It's not right; she's not in her right mind."

Timothy knew, deep down, that if she were in her right mind she'd be trying hard to not throw herself at him and probably failing. Timothy sighed; opening the box of her things he'd smuggled out of Briarcliff and hoping to find something for her to put on.

He'd helped Mary Eunice pack Jude's things before he had understood what was happening and all he remembered of her numerous possessions was that silky red slip. He had to admit it had been sort of stuck in his mind. It was the first thing that appeared when Timothy opened the box. He picked it up carefully, by the straps, scrutinizing it with a sharp eye and holding it a safe distance from himself. An onlooker might assume he was afraid of the thing. Timothy looked at it from its top all the way down to the slitted fringe hem; the red silk ran smoothly through his hands and within seconds he imagined her curves filling the gown and the space under his hands. Timothy dropped the gown quickly and began to look through the box again, hoping to find something…flannel.

But alas, Timothy could only find the one red slip. How did she not have something else? Briarcliff was freezing, especially at night. He dreaded the idea of seeing her in the thing; he cast it over his shoulder and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Jude?" He peaked inside and found her lying where he left her, this time a bar of soap floated in the tub.

Her eyes were still closed but she attempted to give him the bottle of shampoo with her shaky hand. Timothy put down the gown and got on his knees.

"It's alright Jude, I can do your hair."

It felt good to Jude, having Timothy run his hands through her hair. It had been so long since her hair had been washed, she couldn't articulate how wonderful it felt; not just to be clean, but also for the man she was in love with, to be caring for her in this way; it was exciting, and electrifying and sexy…and just a little scary.

Timothy had never really touched a woman's hair like this before; let alone washed it. Her long locks ran through his fingers and he couldn't help finding them beautiful. For a few minutes, all was well and he could tell his massaging her scalp was making her sublimely happy….but then he hit that sensitive part, around the end of her hairline where the electroshocks had been. Jude whimpered and tried to pull away but he kept her there, blood that had been dried and created various sores around her hairline were now freshly flowing once more because he'd disturbed them.

"Oh Jude." He said, leaning down and placing a sweet kiss on her forehead. "I know it hurts…but…I have to clean it; so it won't get infected, that's the last thing you need." Jude continued to cry as he scrubbed her hair and catered to her wounds. "I promise Jude, it'll be painful…with all you've been through; but I'm going to be here for you, and care for you and get you back to being you."

Jude opened her mouth to try to say something, but found herself unable to.

"That's okay Jude." He reassured. "You'll get there, two days ago you could barely make eye contact with me and now I'm sure you can understand what I'm saying. You don't know how relieved I am to know you're in there."

Timothy grabbed a towel and reached out for her hands, closing his eyes as he helped her up and wrapped the towel around her. She tripped, getting out and fell, her whole weight against him. She whimpered at first; thinking she'd fall.

"It's alright Jude. I've got you." He kissed her forehead. "And I know you're…you're mortified…" He acknowledged as he reached behind her to wring out her soaking wet hair. "But think of it this way. How much of your life have you spent taking care of me, making sure that I was getting where I was supposed to go? I think its my turn to do that for you; isn't it Jude?"


	4. Goodnight Jude

Chapter 4- Goodnight Jude

Jude sat in the armchair watching Timothy has he made their dinner. The aroma of freshly cooked soup and bread warmed in the oven bypassed her nose, seeming to travel straight to her stomach, causing it to growl more loudly than she would've cared for. Timothy had been correct; she was in fact, starving.

"It's almost ready Jude." He said. "I'm so sorry I really should've made sure you were more well fed on our journey, but I was trying to get out of there in a hurry, and I suppose I was kind of in a shock." He confessed.

Jude could barely believe her eyes as she watched Timothy slave over a hot stove for her, as she had so many times for him. She was still weak and tired after the bath but she felt much more herself. She still could not speak, but her head was clearer than it had been since before she met Lana Winters: she was completely and fully lucid.

Jude watched Timothy take the bread out of the oven and took a moment to marvel over all that he'd done that day. She wondered what had changed in his heart to make him do all this. After all, he'd been a party to getting her committed and thrown out of the Church in the first place, and now here he was, rescuing her, cooking for her, bathing her…she had heard his words and could recall all the promises he'd made to her but that didn't mean she knew what he really met or intended in making them. It wasn't until he brought her to this place, for example, that she'd believed him at all. Had he really changed?

The bath perplexed her most in some ways. She had been horrified about the it at very first, then, when she'd realized what was happening, she'd allowed herself to enjoy the notion that the man she loved was caring for her in such an intimate way. She wouldn't deny that she'd desired him for years. She'd enjoyed the fact that he stripped her of her clothes, and cared so tenderly for the wounds that lined the crown of her head….but still, all this baffled her...The bath was a kind of generosity, you see, that Timothy, the priest would never have engaged in. Timothy, the priest had been so concerned about how he looked to the world. Bathing a woman, even one as desperate and broken as she, would've been out of the question for that man…and so would running away with her. In that moment, Jude wondered if she could consider Timothy the priest dead to the world just as she, Jude the nun was no more.

'Did you really buy this place?' She'd wanted to ask, but found she still couldn't.

Jude was frustrated and hugged herself tightly, shivering as she looked out the window. Light slushy snow blanketed the ground outside and she was still wearing that red slip of hers, it was about all she had.

"Are you cold Jude?" He inquired as he put the soup on the table.

She stared back and nodded once very slowly. Timothy got up and helped her to sit down at the table.

"Here, there are lots of blankets." He said grabbing a blanket out of box of things he'd bought earlier. "And, better, if you'd like you can wear something of mine over your slip, this sweater for example."

Timothy took a cardigan of his off the kitchen counter. He'd been keeping it there because he knew that sooner or later this would happen. Jude watched as he draped it carefully over her shoulders and went to sit down in his own chair. She smiled, pulling it in closer to her and putting her arms in the sleeves.

"I hope you like it." He said. "It will last until we're able to get you some suitable clothes of your own."

Jude raised an eyebrow at him but did not look up as she began to eat. He was going to buy her clothes? Certainly, he must have more hope for her than she did for herself if he was going to buy her clothes.

"How did you not freeze to death at Briarcliff wearing that thing to bed?" He found himself asking. It was forward of him and Timothy surprised himself at first with the question, but he continued, realizing that their relationship had changed fundamentally, there was no need for him to be quite so proper anymore. "Surely you had a robe or something? Because that's all I could find in your affects, for sleeping anyway…did you by any chance wear your habit to bed?"

Jude smiled at him and suppressed a giggle as she took another bite of the soup. The truth was she had a real nightgown. It was white, ankle-length and kind of lacy in a completely innocent sort of way. Jude couldn't say but she supposed that Mary Eunice must have absconded with it. Funny, with what she'd heard about Mary as of late, she would've figured she would've taken off with the slip…

"Whatever the matter, I intend to get you brand new clothes, of your choosing once we get a little more settled." By settled, he met when she was talking again. "Well I'm glad you seem to like the soup and the sweater, it's cold and I'm afraid it's only going to get colder. You uh…you don't have a-a thing about storms…do you Jude?"

Jude looked up when he asked this. Timothy was very concerned. When he bought the house earlier that day, he'd been told that there was a huge storm headed their way, one that would likely alternate between severe thunderstorms and heavy snow. He knew that the Nor'easter was when she'd started to drink and worried that she might really fear this impending storm.

"Do you have an issue with storms Jude?' Jude looked down at her bowl and then back up at him, pausing for a second before returning to her dinner, of course, leaving his question unanswered.

"Jude there's just one more thing…"

He was burdened now and worried that she was going to be really scared or angry or something he wasn't prepared for when this thing hit. He wasn't sure what had made her drink before but figured the storm was a trigger.

"I didn't show you the bedrooms…there are four and I thought that you know…you could have one and I- I could have one, but uh…you see Jude, as it turns out we're going to have to share a bed."

…

Timothy had been surprised that Jude had not protested their sleeping arrangements. Even he was more comfortable with it than he had previously conjectured. Like the rest of the house, the bedroom was mostly bare save the bed itself. It was a nice and probably old cherry wood sleigh bed, just big enough for the two of them. Timothy was thankful that it had new bed linens and pillows; he would have never thought to buy those things in a million years. Other than that, the room had a small fireplace and a radio. The one thing that perplexed him was that the bed's right side was pushed up against the wall. Pausing for a moment, Timothy decided to be thankful about this as well. The right side could be Jude's and instead of falling out, like he'd been thinking she might, she could just hit the wall if she rolled over too many times. After dinner Timothy helped Jude into bed and tucked her in.

"I know this is not an ideal sleeping arrangement, he said, tucking her in and pulling another blanket up over her too. "But somehow we'll make it work. Now you try to sleep. You need your rest if you're going to get back to being the Jude that I know and….know…."

Both of them froze when they heard the wind flick through the trees outside and bash against the house with a loud 'creak' sound. Jude shook momentarily but tried to hide it.

"It's alright; I'm right here." He said. "I'm going to build us a fire to keep us warm and then I'll come to bed as well, alright?"

Jude nodded quietly as she sank into the covers. She watched as he went to work building the fire. Jude found the idea of him building a fire kind of sexy and paid careful attention to the way his back muscles moved as he went to work. Timothy on the other hand was panicked. It had been many years since he'd built a fire and for a moment he worried that he'd forgotten how to do it. Then, as the fire began to ignite, he realized he'd forgotten to see if the flue was open. He sighed with extreme relief when the fire took off and his house wasn't filling with smoke.

Timothy sighed, rubbing his temple. That fireplace scare had panicked him a little and now that it was over he realized he was very tired. Timothy took off his robe and climbed into bed next to Jude.

"Good night Jude." He smiled, leaning over and kissing her forehead very sweetly.

She smiled at him, more focused on the pillow than on his kiss at this point. She was drifting off and he was glad because the wind was really beginning to pick up and the snow had transitioned back to heavy rain. Hopefully, she'd sleep through the storm. Timothy sighed, taking one last glance at Jude before closing his eyes. The bath had done a lot of good and she looked more herself now in every way. He was pleased about this and couldn't stop himself from thinking of her as simply beautiful.

"Ahhhhh!' She screamed, sitting up as a loud clap of thunder hit.

"Jude, Jude I've got you it's alright!" He exclaimed.

She jumped again and tried to stand up and get out of bed when a second wave of thunder hit, but he caught her.

"Jude what's wrong?" He asked, clinging to her now to where she couldn't move.

She whimpered and began to cry, turning away from him. Jude began to weep as she struggled to get away, in that instant, Timothy began to understand that whatever it was that bothered Jude about thunderstorms, that thing that made her drink and freak out was not just a trigger, it was very deep seeded and scary for her. It had to be. On top of that, he knew that she was in solitary or being tortured during the last few thunderstorms they'd at Briarcliff. That alone couldn't have brought back wonderful memories. Thunder clapped again and Jude tried to bolt from the bed for a third time as she sobbed.

"Shu, shu, there, there Jude." He said, whispering to her as he lye her down, he held her in his arms and began to rub little circles in her back.

Slowly Jude rested her head on his chest and soon he found that she was clinging to his shirt almost desperately, unwilling to be pried away. Jude jumped, pressing her face into Timothy's chest when another clap of thunder hit, he held her tightly as she continued to cry.

"Shu, it's alright Jude, what is it, what has happened to make my rare bird unable to speak and so afraid?" He voiced his concern, holding her tightly and running his fingers through her hair.

Jude began to cry louder when he said this. He cared, he really cared and she didn't deserve it. All she could think about now was Missy. All those years of guilt had consumed her and altered the course of her life and now; it had turned out all to be a farce. Missy was alive and she had nothing and no one and nowhere to go. This thing was Timothy was wonderful so far, but she didn't know what he intended to do with her or how long this would last and that was scary.

"It's okay Jude." Timothy said, cuddling her. "I know you're scared. It's okay." He soothed. "I am too."

Jude looked up at him when he said this, studying him with her tear stained face. Her shaky hands clasped his shirt desperately. Another clap of thunderstruck and Jude shook, burrowing desperately closer to Timothy. He wrapped his arm around her lower back, pulling her closer to him in a warm embrace. She looked up at him, barely believing that he was holding her this close. Timothy looked down into her eyes, seeing a lot of fear there, but also a clarity that had been absent for weeks now. The thunderstruck once more, much louder and closer this time and just as she opened her mouth to scream, Timothy leaned down and engaged her lips with his own.

…

Soon Jude fell asleep, but Timothy had found he couldn't sleep. Instead, he lye awake, listening to the storm and staring at Jude. He rested on his elbow and looked down at the sleeping woman beside him, carefully running his fingers through her now clean blonde hair. He was overwhelmed by everything that had happened to him, this total transformation. Chastity had long been a huge part of his identity and now here he was, lying there with a woman in his bed, one who he couldn't help but see as beautiful. Timothy couldn't believe that he hadn't realized before just how beautiful she was. It was a feeling that was beginning to sink in and rushed all over his body. One moment it resided in the fluttering of his heart, and that made him nervous, the next it was like a rock in the pit of his stomach that was going to make him sick.

Timothy could not believe that he had kissed her like that, so suddenly but sweetly. It had been years since he kissed a woman and he felt ashamed for having done this with Jude. While she'd reciprocated the advance, he felt terrible about it. She was a former Nun, and she was not in her right mind right now. While he realized she liked him in a romantic way, he had no way of knowing what she really wanted with her in this state and the last thing he wanted was to take advantage of her like he'd been taken advantage of. He cared for her far too much for that. Laying a hand on her was supposed to have been out of the question. But part of him really wanted to.

Timothy smiled, brushing her cheek softly with his finger. He loved the way her soft skin felt under his hands, when he'd been hugging her earlier; her arms had felt much like the finest of silk under his grasp. He'd hugged her tightly, mostly as a means to comfort them both in their distress but partially because he had longed to touch her and keep touching her. It was now that he lye here that Timothy finally admitted this part to himself. Mary had robbed him, but she'd also showed him the pleasures of the flesh, planting a desire deep within him that he found he could not uproot.

'It's supposed to be out of the question, you shouldn't even be thinking about this!' He chastised himself.

But the truth was; he couldn't not think of it: of Jude in that way. He sighed, slowly coming to mentally recognize the desire that was building within him. What he'd done with Mary had been one of the most intimate acts one could do with another person, but she'd taken it and made it something vile and evil. Yesterday he'd told himself he felt robbed, because his virtue would've met something to someone like Jude. Now, as he lye there aside Jude's sleeping form he was forced to fully realize the truth he'd been suppressing deep within his psyche for days now, if not for years: he wanted Jude to be that someone, and he wanted that more than he'd ever desired anything in his entire life.

Jude sighed in her sleep, giving out a satisfied little moan before settling back into her pillow. He didn't realize that she was far more comfortable there in bed with him, than she'd been anywhere in a very long time, maybe even years. And that she'd relished the kiss he'd given her, having dreamed of it for as long as she'd known him. Without it; she wouldn't have slept half as peacefully that night.

Timothy watched her carefully, letting his eyes trace the outline of her curvaceous figure as she settled back into sleep. He'd let his gaze linger there far too long earlier in the day and was still ashamed for it. Jude wasn't there for him to take advantage of. There'd been too much of that. She was there for him to care for.

'It's out of the question Timothy.' He told himself, sighing sadly.

Jude sighed again, turning over to face him. She'd taken the sweater off and the strap of her red slip had come off, revealing her bare shoulder. Timothy watched, intoxicated by it for a moment, barely believing that even her shoulder was that beautiful. Timothy gently took the strap and placed it back on the top of her shoulder where it belonged. He reached down and grabbed the comforter that had slid down the bed a little ways due to her tossing and turning, bringing it back up to her shoulders and recovering her body as he retucked her into the covers.

"Good night Jude." He said, kissing her forehead softly. "You've been so abused and taken advantage of my rare bird, and I promise I'm going to keep that from happening to you ever again."


	5. At First Sight

Chapter 5- At First Sight

Jude woke up first the next morning, and rolled over, embracing the softness of her pillow. It was the best nights sleep she'd had in longer than she could remember. She wanted to stay there and fought to drift off again, even as that inevitable sense of awakeness crept up on her, pushing her to a fuller state of consciousness.

"Um." She mumbled, fighting her half-awake state and rolling over again.

This time, she could feel Timothy's presence next to her and opened her eyes just a little to peak at him. Jude smiled, thinking that he looked so adorable just sleeping there. He seemed to pout a little in his sleep, his long brown lashes resting gently on his cheekbones. Jude sighed. She felt safe, well rested and well fed…maybe even a little bit happy? She didn't know how long it had been since she'd felt such utter contentment and she smiled back at Timothy, realizing she had him to thank for that. She reached over and brushed his cheek softly with her finger. Part of her hoped he'd wake up and the other half longed for him to stay asleep so she could lye there and look at him. His kiss the night before had awakened something inside her, she felt so alive after he'd done it. It had been so surprising and unexpected. The gentle brushing of his lips against hers lingered on her mouth still and had felt just the way she always knew it would: right.

Jude sat up, still leaning against her pillow and began to run her fingers through Timothy's hair as he snored. She wondered, what he intended for their relationship to be now that they were all alone together, living in a house that he kept referring to as belonging to the two of them. Jude paused waiting for it to come, but just ended up surveying her surroundings and staring blankly. She sighed with relief: no fantasy of what wasn't came to her mind. Instead she looked back down at the man sleeping in her bed. Or was she sleeping in his bed? She wasn't really sure.

Jude lye back down, facing him this time. She took his arm and wrapped it over her, surprised to feel him pull her tighter to him in his sleep. She smiled once more, struggling to say something but the words just wouldn't come: not quite yet. Instead, she nuzzled Timothy, finally placing a sweet kiss on the tip of his nose. She pressed her forehead against his and fell back to sleep in his embrace, happy that he could be her love, for real, at least in these stolen moments.

When Timothy woke up he found Jude sleeping peacefully in his arms. He wondered if she'd put herself there or if he had grabbed her in the night and brought her close. He assumed the later; disappointed he couldn't easily hide his feelings. He felt it imperative that he continue to do so, until her recovery was complete.

"Good morning my Jude." He whispered, as he was rolling out of bed. "You don't know this, but I think I've fallen in love with you."

Timothy got up, leaving Jude in her state of peaceful slumber. He didn't think he'd fallen in love, he knew it, he just didn't happen to be ready to tell Jude. Aside from the matter of her recovery, it was too soon for him. Timothy went and made a pot of coffee, hoping to clear his head. Like Jude, he needed some room to rest and recover from his ordeal. She needed to learn to speak again, and he needed space to get used to a whole new way of life.

A little more than a week before, he'd been a Priest, destined for the papacy. Women had been out of the question and not part of his plans, even Jude, who he had feelings for. Timothy had had desires about Jude (and when he was much younger, other women) before Mary Eunice had violated him. He was after all a man…but he had denied these feelings all his life and did so even as Mary robbed him of his virtue. The idea that he could have a part with these desires now was overwhelming for him and he didn't totally know how to deal with it yet. He didn't want to just jump into anything. It was sad for him…and scary…but it was also exciting…and when he looked down at Jude sleeping next to him it suddenly became incredibly appealing….nonetheless, his virtue had been robbed from him the first time, and the next time, he wanted sex to mean something…for it not to be cheap…and that met waiting.

Timothy took his coffee and went and stood in front of the windows. The storm had indeed grown severe overnight and the snow cascaded down heavily. The weather reminded him of another day, years before when he'd felt just as conflicted as he did now: the day he'd first met Jude.

…

April 1960

Timothy had been told that snow this heavy was very rare for early April in Boston but he didn't believe it. He supposed that, this was just the diocese's way of trying to make him feel a little more comfortable in his new home. He'd been in America for years now, since he was very young, but was used to the slightly more temperate climate of New York City. Timothy had been transferred to a diocese just outside of Boston when he became a Monsignor. He had been there now for less than a week. It was a Saturday morning, and he was to spend the day going around to various churches and convents, to meet congregants, priests and nuns under his authority.

Timothy looked at his watch impatiently. The snow was making the drive out to the convent take forever. He had many places to be that day, and couldn't afford for this to take all the time in the world. Actually. He didn't really want to make his first stop of the day, a late breakfast with all the nuns at St. Mary's convent. Timothy was just about to ask the driver how long it would be when felt the car make a sharp and sudden turn and begin to travel down a narrow gravel road. In that moment he knew they'd reached the convent.

It wasn't that Timothy didn't like nuns. It was true that they could be very stern, as they were stereotypically, but he'd found they could also be quite delightful. For him, it was simply that, in situations like this, they tended to be little old ladies who nearly swooned over his position, but didn't understand his mission or share his passion. It was a frustrating way for him to spend time and he was sure it was useless to his goal of becoming Pope. Nonetheless, Timothy reluctantly entered the convent, first greeted by the Reverend Mother, Claudia.

"What a joy it is meeting you Monsignor." Claudia smiled, taking his hand. "You arrived just as we were finishing our morning devotionals. "This is Sister Jude." She said, reaching out and grabbing one of the nuns by the arm as she passed by.

Jude was startled for a moment and within seconds she looked up, smiling at Timothy. His eyes instantly locked with her deep brown ones and she gave him a wry smile that would come off as flirtatious to most other men, but at the time, Timothy did not notice, at least consciously.

"Jude this is the new Monsignor, Timothy Howard." Claudia began. "Monsignor, this is the Sister who I chose for you."

Timothy paused, alarmed for a moment by the words 'chose for you.' Sister Claudia didn't seem to notice.

"She's going to show you around our convent and introduce you to all the Sisters." Claudia continued. "Excuse me while I oversee the festivities, it's been great meeting you."

Timothy nodded, bidding Claudia a pleasant farewell as he returned his gaze to Sister Jude who, he realized he'd been staring since he first laid eyes on her.

"Hello." Jude managed; her heavy Boston accent came across strongly, even in just this one word.

She blushed, also caught up in looking at him. Jude wished that she could wipe this idiotic smile off of her face because she felt ridiculous and embarrassed, but it just wouldn't fade. She reached out to shake his hand and he took hers warmly, grasping it in both of his larger ones. Timothy felt something strange when he took her hand. It was like a surge of strength coupled with the warmth of familiarity and for that, he took to her expediently. They hadn't exchanged two words between them and yet, he couldn't remember feeling such a strong connection with anyone ever. Jude, however, merely grew weak at the knees when he took her hand.

"I-I'm Monsignor Howard…but you may call me Timothy if you'd like." Timothy was immediately surprised that he'd suggested this and that when he spoke to this woman, he seemed to trip all over his own tongue.

"Timothy." She smiled. "I'm Jude."

Timothy and Jude stood there shaking hands, both grinning like idiots for several seconds too long until they were interrupted by an enthusiastic, but breathless young voice.

"Sister Jude! Sister Jude I'm so glad I caught up with you!"

Timothy finally broke his gaze from Jude, but not his grip on her hand to look up at the young, out of breath nun who approached them.

"Monsignor. This is Sister Mary Eunice." Jude introduced, she seemed a little annoyed but warmly put her free arm around Mary.

"Hello." He greeted. Timothy was a little shocked in meeting her. She looked so young; she seemed like a child.

"Sister Mary Eunice is my mentee and the newest edition to our convent, she just took her vows after Christmas."

"Oh, very wonderful. I hope you are taking to the life well so far, Sister." Sister Mary Eunice blushed at Timothy too, although not in the same way Jude had.

"I am, thank you Father." She said shyly.

"Mary Eunice, yar needed in the kitchen." Jude reminded.

"I know, I just came to get the recipe you told me to…"

"Ah that's right." Jude said, reaching into her pocket and handing Mary a crumpled up old piece of paper.

"T—thank you Sister. I'll have it back to you when we're finished.' She said cheerily. "Nice to meet you Monsignor."

He bid Mary a farewell similar to the one he'd given Claudia. At that moment, he and Jude realized that they were still holding hands.

"Oh I-I'm sorry." He began awkwardly. Timothy swallowed nervously, he hated letting go of her hand and that scared him.

"It's alright." Jude giggled and they both began to laugh. "If ya follow me, I'll show you to our dining area." She started as he followed.

Timothy was nervous and couldn't discern a word that she said as she led him into the dining area. Instead, he just watched her talk, admiring the way that she moved and most of all smiled. Timothy felt conflicted about his feelings immediately and didn't know what to make of them. He was Priest and she a nun…but…she wasn't any other normal nun, she was somehow different, special. He felt it in her touch and saw it in the way she moved and breathed…And smiled. It was in those moments that Timothy promised himself that he would find Jude a special place, and a special job….one not far from him.

"I'm sorry Father about the hand holding thing, I musta just been nervous." She insisted as she brought him into the grand dining room and showed him where he would be sitting, with Mother Claudia and the most senior nuns. "I'll see ya after and show ya the rest of our home, Father…" Jude began as she turned away.

"N-no." He reached out and grabbed her hand just as Mother Claudia had earlier.

Jude looked down and eyed his hand as it held hers very tightly, barely believing that he was holding it like that in the presence of so many other nuns.

"Please. Sit with me. I insist Jude. I would like to dine with you."

Jude paused for a moment. Timothy still retained his grip on her hand. She looked down into his kind brown eyes, seeing that they pled for her to comply. No man had ever been so openly sweet to her before, especially not in a room full of other women and the suggestion melted her heart. She didn't think that the more senior nuns would care for the fact that she was sitting on their end of the table, but Jude figured that it didn't matter: these were Monsignor's orders, what choice did she have but to comply with them?

"Alright Father." She smiled. "I'd love ta join ya."

…

Timothy looked down at his coffee, thinking back sadly to that time. It made him feel all the worse about Mary Eunice. She'd been like a child when they'd first met and had grown up a lot in the past several years that he'd known her. She was still young and should've had a whole life ahead of her. Instead, she was possessed and ruined for good. While, the thing that had raped him was not the young girl he met on that freezing April day, he now felt like her loss was his fault because he'd tried and failed both at saving her and putting her out of her misery.

More importantly, there was Jude. Had they really both been that flummoxed and awkward when they'd met? Upon careful reflection, Timothy realized why he'd been that way and why he'd set out to give her preferential treatment from the first time they met: he'd fallen for her on sight and he'd wanted to be with her. Perhaps though, he'd known that for a long time and was just now able to admit it to himself.

"I've wasted so much time." He whispered to himself, now wishing he would've admitted this to her back then. "Oh Timothy! You're being ridiculous!" He chastised. "She was a nun and you were a Priest and that was just the way it was….then." He sighed.

The thing was though, she was such a pretty nun…one who pampered him, cared for him…challenged him… He'd known for a long time that their attraction was mutual, and unlike any he'd experienced before in his life. He'd felt it again intensely last night when he kissed her. It went beyond liking someone, or desiring them…he and Jude were undeniably, chemically attracted.

Now, Timothy longed to hear her voice again. It had been days and the last thing he'd heard her utter was a weak, but passionate moan of 'kill her.' He had no idea what she was thinking now after all this time and was just dying to speak with her.

"Jude." He called, putting his coffee down on the kitchen table and walking back into the bedroom.

'You should tell her, maybe it will get her to talk!' Something inside his mind suggested. While he was nervous about the prospect, Timothy considered that his conscious was correct; perhaps it would get her to speak.

"Jude I…"

Jude was awake and bolted past him, shutting the bathroom door behind her with her foot. He cringed when he heard her begin to throw up.

…

"Oh Jude, I know this is difficult, but it will be alright my rare bird." He comforted, running his fingers through her long blonde hair.

A few hours had passed and they were sitting on the bathroom floor together. She was crying and he held her in his arms, rocking her gently to try to soothe her.

"You know, I would've thought you wouldn't have been taking the pills."

Jude was shaking violently and had reverted back to a quasi-catatonic state. She couldn't communicate with Timothy once again but she could still understand what he was saying. She was sick deep inside because she'd been close to fine when she'd woken up that morning and had been almost able to speak at one point. But she couldn't relay this information to him; instead she was just stuck inside her mind again.

"Shu, my Jude. It will pass. This too shall pass." He pat her arm as he rocked her.

Jude was thankful that the throwing up had ceased for now, but she was very confused and wildly dizzy.

"It's just withdrawal Jude …from all those pills they were giving you. I don't know why it took it this long for it to happen, but I know it won't last forever and until then you've got me."

It had actually taken Timothy quite a while to subdue her. Her withdrawal had carried her through several phases, the second of which had been complete rage directed at him and his attempts to assist her. For a while, he feared he had legitimately run away with a mad woman, but he knew that wasn't true. Now she was still in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder.

Deep inside, Jude was mortified. Here he was, for the third time now, holding her and nursing her, baring with how disgusting she was, and yet he said nothing to her but sweet and encouraging things.

"I know you must be very…confused, and scared." The look in her eyes coupled with her tear-stained face made this evident to him. "But I promise that you will be alright."

Timothy was secretly worried. He'd only just now realized that she'd been experiencing a form of withdrawal for much of the time he'd spent with her now, it explained her delirium and anxiety in a way nothing else could. He wondered why it had taken a turn for the worst now and escalated into illness and total rage.

"You know what I was thinking about today?" He asked, wanting to get her mind off of all of this. "I was thinking about the first time I met you…do you remember that?"

Jude did remember that. More than anything, she remembered this man whose presence just overwhelmed her in an instant. In fact, he hadn't left her mind since.

"You know you have these great big brown eyes Jude…and…from day one, they've drawn me in to you." He smiled down at her, seeing her look up, her eyes widen slowly.

She'd felt similarly about him…not just the eyes, but everything about him. She couldn't explain it at the time; it was as if she felt loved when he was there with her. Particularly, she remembered the feel of these giant mammoth hands taking hers and just holding them there. She didn't know at the time if he realized that he was holding her hand quite so tightly in his own, or if he knew he was rolling his thumb, gently over her palm….she supposed not; but in hindsight it was enough to tell her that he felt the same about her.

This thing with the eyes just now confirmed that and Jude felt a sense of awe and relief she could never remember feeling before. She opened her mouth to speak as she looked up at him, letting out a soft sigh, wanting to ask if this met that he wouldn't throw her out once she was well. She had secretly feared that for days.

"I'm so glad you can walk again Jude….even with the withdrawal it means that this is all working and you're getting better. Once your better we're going to fix up this place. Even you have probably noticed that there's a lot of work to be done."

A single drop of water came into view as it fell from the ceiling; it paused for a moment and then dripped into the tin bucket Timothy had placed there with a loud 'ting' sound. The noise of the dripping water from the roof was constant and enough to begin to drive anyone crazy.

"More than that though Jude. I can't wait to hear you talk. I miss the sound of your voice. I'm worried about you; and I feel like I've been talking to myself for days which is useless, because there's so much for us to discuss….the sound of your voice would be such a comfort to me, it'd make me feel like I wasn't beginning to loose my mind Jude."

Jude felt badly, she wanted to give him whatever he asked for, especially now that he'd rescued her and was trying so badly to care for her in her damaged state. She wished she could give him some kind of reassurance, understanding he feared she would not speak again. Jude knew she would, it was a combination of illness and shock that kept her silent. It was all just too much. Jude nuzzled him, placing her head at the nape of his neck and he accepted her hug.

"Speech or not at least…I'm free to hug you now as I please….right?" She replied by hugging him tighter. Timothy smiled and squeezed her in reassurance. "It's what I'd…hoped." He confessed.

Jude wanted to tell him that he was free to hug her or really, do whatever he felt inclined to do with her. She couldn't express this just yet, but she hoped he'd figure it out on his own before she could tell him.

Timothy wondered, in this moment, if she was giving him permission to love her and touch her in the ways he really desired. Her body language seemed to indicate that she was. He wondered what it would feel like to wake up in the morning with their clothes, including that damn red slip he hated, strewn across the floor, and her in his arms, this time unashamed that her slip was missing.

'Oh Timothy.' Jude thought. 'Why don't ya understand how I feel? Ya don't need to be such a gentleman anymore.'

Jude closed her eyes and sighed, suddenly, feeling Timothy begin to kiss her neck. His fingers traced her sides and slipped up under the oversized pajama shirt she was wearing, (which was actually his and he found that fact incredibly sexy). She moaned as he continued to nibble on her neck. Timothy's kiss moved upwards and soon found its self on her lips as it had the night before. Jude opened her mouth inviting his tongue inside as his hands traveled further up her chest, massaging her sides as he deepened their kiss. Slowly his hands found his way to the back of her bra and moved to unclasp it…

"Ha…!"

"Jude, are you alright?" Timothy asked.

Jude looked around carefully. Timothy had not been kissing her, or grabbing her under her shirt…it was all in her head again. Jude's heart sunk, she felt horribly let down by all of this.

"Oh my rare bird. You are horribly confused, and so drained from being so ill." He remarked. "I'm sorry I didn't realize that you've been going in and out of withdrawal for days…I feel so responsible, well so irresponsible…

And Jude…I-I'm even more sorry a-about something I realized today…ever since I first met you… since I laid eyes on you, I've been- I've been stealing moments with you. Did you know that? It's why I sent you to Briarcliff in the first place, so I could steal every moment with you I possibly could. And that was the wrong thing to do…I should've…well, I should've done it differently."

He met confess his love but did not say it. He met to tell her he should've taken her away a long time ago.

"That's why the past few days have been wonderful and have met so much to me. I've loved getting to hug you as I please, even holding you on the floor and caring for you when you're ill, means so much to me… I can't wait till you're well Jude and we can make happier memories. Because all these moments are ours; they're here, they're not fleeting and most importantly, they aren't stolen from anyplace else."


	6. Adam and Eve

Chapter 6- Adam and Eve

"Now Jude…what's this?" Timothy inquired calmly as he sat an apple in front of Jude. They were sitting at the kitchen table and he kept putting objects in front of her to try to have her name them.

Jude could not attempt the word, but shot Timothy an annoyed glare that had 'are you kidding me' written all over it.

"Alright Jude I-I know you know what an apple is." He sighed. Jude shrugged and picked up the apple, biting into it. "Jude you have to speak…what can I do to get you to speak?" He asked. She stared back at him, concentrating on the apple. "Here." He sighed, picking up the pen and paper just across from them on the table.

"How about you sound out what I write on this paper, just one letter at a time, alright Jude? Can you give it a try?" She paused then nodded as she finished her bite of apple.

"Here, what does this say?" Timothy asked, presenting her with the piece of paper. Jude looked back up at him surprised, doing a double take.

"Go ahead, read it." He urged.

It said, _I love my rare bird_. Jude's heart raced and she didn't know what to think or what to say.

"T-Ti..T." She choked. It felt so weird for Jude to even say that after so many days. Her throat had become dry and itchy as soon as she attempted it and she began to cough. Timothy quickly gave her some water, hoping that would help.

"Come on Jude." He urged when she stopped coughing. "Let's try again, what does it say?"

Jude just stared at the piece of paper for a moment. _I love my rare bird…_. It would've been so simple for her to say this, even days ago, but now she just couldn't bring herself to speak. I. I. I. I. We say it all the time, but this wasn't an I…not for Jude. It should've read _Timothy loves his rare bird_…Jude wanted to speak, but she didn't want to say this for him. Jude sighed, contemplating this for a moment. She tried so hard to talk, but for reasons she didn't understand; it was too difficult on her body now.

Instead of trying to speak again as he requested, Jude picked up the apple she'd been snacking on and took another bite. She turned it over and extended the non-bitten side to Timothy, offering to share it with him. Timothy looked at it for a second, studying it carefully, unsure if he really wanted a piece. He looked back up at her and she smiled slightly as she ate. Jude sensed his hesitancy and disapproved immediately. She reached out, extending the apple to him a second time. Finally, he smiled kind of apprehensively and leaned in, taking a bite, soon finding that the fruit quenched a thirst he hadn't realized he had.

Several Weeks Later, March 1965

"Rise and shine Jude!" She sighed, moaning softly, the aroma of pancakes and maple syrup tugging at her senses.

Jude's eyes opened wide and she looked up startled for a moment. Timothy stood before her, dressed and ready for the day. She sat up, resting on her palms, blinking as her eyes struggled to adjust to the light. A couple of weeks had passed since her withdrawal episode and Jude was much stronger. She still could not speak, although she'd been making attempts at it. However, she could walk now without any help from him and had mostly regained her strength and motor skills. It had stopped snowing, and the weather was beginning to display the first signs of spring. Timothy had decided that today was the day things would start to change for them at least a little bit.

"I've made breakfast, you should get up we, have a lot to do today." He said. "But first, how are you?"

Timothy sat on the side of the bed next to her and brushed her hair away from her forehead. She allowed him to hold her head in his hands and carefully look her over. This had become routine for them as she'd been badly injured back at Briarcliff, particularly by the electroshock treatments but she also had an assortment of cuts and bruises that covered most of her body. They were healing well, but Timothy was still taking careful precautions to make sure her wounds stayed clean.

"You're healing remarkably well Jude. Your head is almost completely fine now." He smiled. "But lets see that horrible one on your back now, alright?" Jude nodded, giving him consent.

Once again, Jude had worn one of his dress shirts to bed, for which he was ever so thankful. It was just big enough on her to serve as a nightgown and he found it incredibly sexy, although, he doubted she knew that. He loved it because it made him feel like she was his, something he deeply desired. While he knew that this was wrong, Timothy decided he could pretend…just for a little while. Besides, her wearing his shirt met he didn't have to look at that awful silk slip of hers. While it was hers, it reminded him too much of Mary Eunice because she'd been wearing it when she raped him. Sometimes looking at the slip made him start to feel ill or even a little afraid. And those were the last feelings he wanted to associate Jude with.

Timothy lifted the back of the shirt very slowly, marveling over his own self-control. The sight of her bareback sent chills up his spine in the best of ways. Timothy couldn't help but think that she was just perfect.

"It looks really wonderful." He smiled. "If only you could see it Jude. I'm proud of you."

Timothy ran his hand gently along the injured spot on her back. It was right where the line of her bra would have been if she'd been wearing one. He'd first discovered this injury when he'd given her her bath, the first day they arrived at their new home. At the time she didn't even know it was there. Timothy had been worried about this injury more than any of her many others. It was red, and very painful to the touch in contrast with the others. At one point it was filled with pus and hurt so much that she'd almost cry if he touched it. The worst part was that he had no idea where she'd gotten it and she couldn't tell him. Sometimes he thought it was infected, others he even considered that it might have been a bad spider bite and was worried that it was the real reason why she wasn't speaking…Timothy didn't know much about that kind of thing for someone who'd just purchased a home and land out in the middle of no where. Whatever the case, it was gone now and Timothy was overjoyed. But, he was still worried about her inability to speak.

They'd been working on speech, little by little. Some days she said more than others, and it seemed as if she was improving, but she still couldn't fully say his name. He realized the medication had made a profound impact on her motor skills, but she'd recovered in every other manner and he didn't think talking would take quite this long. At this point, Timothy was worried she might not regain this function, but hadn't breeched the subject to Jude, instead he decided to be as encouraging to her as possible.

"You're healing. Praise God." He hugged her when he let go of the shirt. "Come on, I have some things to show you and I think you're finally ready for them!"

Jude raised an eyebrow wondering what he was talking about She picked up his robe off the floor and put it on, tying it tight as she followed him out into the living room.

"After breakfast I was hoping that you would help me with some projects. I've been planning them for a while but I can't do them alone. You're strong enough now, and there's a lot of work to be done to this place if we're going to make it a home. It will take both of us to do it, so we need to start now."

Timothy was sort of hoping that some activity, other than bearing through the harsh winter and nursing her wounds would ignite her mind enough to where she could speak again. She was an intelligent woman and he figured that applying her mind to something useful would do her a world of good.

'A home?' Judy wanted to ask. She had some idea of his plans to fix the house up, but the place was in ruins. She secretly thought it was a hopeless idea.

"As you've probably noticed things could be a little…more ideal around here."

Both of their eyes immediately averted to the large pan on the kitchen counter, which they'd left there to catch rainwater and excess snow as it poured from the roof. Like the one in the bathroom, it overflowed at least once a day and was a real hassle to keep track of. Jude looked back at him and laughed, shaking her head as she picked up her cup of coffee.

"Don't laugh! Jude I promise we'll fix it up."

Timothy began to look around the house very quickly. Ramshackle might be a truly good definition of their new home. What he was saying was a tall order and while he wouldn't admit it, he knew it as much as she. The house was cute from the outside and Timothy was convinced it just needed a little love. It was a cottage more than it was a cabin and had a nice little front porch, a high pitched roof where the loft was that made it appear, from the front to have an actual second story and light wood shingled siding…quite a bit of which was falling or had already fallen off the house.

The inside was in desperate need of paint and had some holes in the floor. The fireplace, the big one in the living area, was missing its share of bricks and finally there was almost no furniture. Jude continued to laugh, remembering all of this from the inventory he'd taken over the last several days.

"Jude can't you see? There are so many possibilities...come on Jude, try to help, for me? I know you spent so much time supporting my last dream and that didn't work out so well but…this one, this one's truly for us Jude. It's not a what if, or a maybe if we get there, it's a right here, right now!"

Jude rolled her eyes and smiled a little, returning to her coffee, which was the only thing suppressing this raging headache that had been plaguing her since the rest of the withdrawal symptoms left her. She thought for sure that it would've gone away by now. Timothy didn't know about the headache and was sort of offended that she was laughing at him. Here she was, unable to speak, and yet she was laughing at him.

"T-"

He sighed, tuning out a little, sometimes it was painful to hear her try with nothing to show for it.

"T-Timothy…" She said slowly.

"Jude! You're talking! You said a word!" He burst excitedly. "You're….!" Timothy quickly pulled her into his embrace. "Oh Jude, you're talking, you're really talking, praise God!" She smiled, accepting his hug, surprised when he kissed her cheek. "Well what…what do you really think of all of this? Of coming up here…of everything?"

He was anxious now, and waited quietly for her to answer. He'd been wanting to know what she thought all this time and was afraid that she didn't really want to be there with him, and that she would leave when she was able...after all he'd done for her. He also wasn't sure how much of their ordeal she could even recall.

"Ya know…" She said slowly, he was glued to every syllable. "I-I've never, I've never had a home before." She managed.

Talking felt new to Jude all over again. She was proud and surprised she'd been able to say that much. In fact, she felt kind of overwhelmed; nonetheless she decided to press herself to say more.

"You, you what?" Timothy could not hide his surprise.

What did she mean she hadn't had a home before? Had she been an orphan? He'd heard her mention a Mother once, hadn't he? He was pretty sure about it…

"I-I've never….had a-a home before." She spoke slowly. "Not one anyone wanted to fix up far me."

"Oh…oh Jude I-I didn't know…"

"S-so, I-I'll gladly fix it up with you…if ya'll have me stay."

"What do you mean if I'll let you stay…Jude that's been the entire point! Of course you're staying! This is for you…uh for us…" he corrected quickly. "For all we've been through." He took her hand.

Timothy was shocked and thankful enough to where he actually said what he was feeling. He felt as if he'd do just about anything to keep her there.

"If ya'll have me then I'll stay." She offered and the two sighed with equal relief.

"Oh Jude, taking you from that place, caring for you… everything that was the point; so you'd stay….with me." Jude blushed at this. "Are you alright? All this time I haven't been able to really tell..."

"I-I'm fine. Thanks to you Timothy…Y-you've done all the right things far me, and I'm so grateful for that."

"Now uh…now that you're speaking I want to apologize for the bath thing, a-and for a lot of things like that, it was probably not my finest…"

"No Timothy it's fine." She smiled, reaching up and cupping his cheek in her hand. "Ya were taking care of me, and I needed to be tended to… I'll always remember how you were sweetest when I was most helpless and most venerable."

Timothy smiled and put his head down, happy that his most noble of intentions had paid off. He'd wanted her so badly all this time, especially, when she was in the bath, not to mention, in bed with him every night. Jude lifted his head, placing a sweet kiss on his lips. It wasn't deep or passionate but it was sexy in its self simply because it was simple and meaningful.

"H-how much can you recall?"

"I remember everything Timothy, yar getting me out of there, what ya said ta Father Malachi." He'd told him he loved her, but she didn't bring up that part.

"Coming up here…ya didn't have ta give up everything and save me."

"Oh yes, yes I did." He said quietly, reaching up and covering her hand with his, taking it in his own. "I couldn't let you just be tortured and live the rest of my days knowing I could've saved you…you met too much to me, my rare bird."

Jude sighed; wishing, that he would confess what was on his heart…she knew it was there and for some reason he held it back. Jude wanted him to confess, especially if he did plan on their living out their days together. She giggled a little, deciding she'd just have to make him confess if he wasn't willing to do so on his own.

"I'm going to go and get dressed." She said, kissing his cheek and breaking away from him. She also wasn't used to talking and needed a few minutes break from conversation. She felt kind of weird and winded.

"W-why?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Like you said, there's a lot to do if we're going to fix this place up and make it a home."

"But Jude…" He began, turning around once she started for the bedroom. "You don't really have any clothes…to speak of." He raised an eyebrow.

"That's alright, but," She called, "ya have great clothes."

Timothy sighed, going back to his coffee when suddenly he felt something land on his head, it was the dress shirt of his that she'd been using as a nightgown. He took it in his hand and looked back toward the hallway, realizing she'd taken it off and thrown it at him.

…

"Tell me again what ya had in mind." She said.

Jude had put on a pair of his jeans and one of his flannel shirts. It had finally stopped snowing and the two had gone outside for a little fresh air. It seemed to Timothy as if it had been weeks since it stopped snowing, he didn't realize how relieved he would feel to get outside. Now he and Jude sat on the porch together with new cups of steaming hot coffee.

"Well…there's a lot that needs fixing." He began reluctantly. She giggled. "Don't laugh Jude…we can do it…"

"Alright, alright. I believe ya. What do ya have in mind?"

"Well we'll focus on the inside now that' it's Winter but as soon as Spring comes and the snow stops, I think the roof is the most important thing to attend to."

Jude giggled at this. The roof was like swiss cheese. Timothy ignored her and continued.

"And I thought that maybe you could plant a garden out front and we can have flowers….all the kinds you like. And on the side of the house I'll do the same: we'll grow our own food."

"Um that sounds nice." She admitted, smiling. If there was one thing she'd come to appreciate at Briarcliff, it was fresh food, it or rather the lack of it…

"And for the inside we kind of need furniture…desperately."

"Um…I think we have a nice bed." She offered, inching closer to him and looking up into his eyes.

"Yes." He answered simply. "We have a very nice bed." Timothy sighed inside, excited by the fact that she didn't seem eager to obtain a second bed. "And see over there?" He asked. "Those two trees…I have something special planned for that space Jude."

"Special?"

"I thought it would be nice to have a hammock."

"A hammock?"

"Yes… It will be perfect for nice summer days, for gazing at the stars, reading and relaxing and admittedly for cuddling."

"Mmm." Jude smiled, wrapping her arm in his. "Now who exactly are ya going to cuddle with?"

"You." He admitted, his heart racing as he did so, but he was so proud of himself nonetheless.

"How will I do that if I'm busy planting a garden?"

"I think you'll make time to cuddle with me Jude."

"Oh I will, will I?" She teased.

"Oh Jude." He sighed, "You're back!"

He was amazed that she was back like this, so suddenly she was speaking again and teasing him…and not just an empty vessel that was once his rare bird. He was overjoyed.

"I'm back, you should congratulate me, and I should thank you." She considered.

"H-how?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Um…" She pondered this. "Well we could start with the price for cuddling."

"The price?"

"Yes. If ya wanna cuddle with me Mr. there's a price."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Now be quiet and kiss me."

Timothy was surprised but leaned in with a big smile to give her a kiss. Jude opened her mouth and began to run her tongue over his, slowly bringing him closer to her embrace. Timothy's heart leapt as they kissed. They'd shared plenty of kisses since they'd come up here but this one was the most special to him, it was the first one after she started talking again, and he knew, without a doubt now, that she felt the same way he did: that if they wanted they could not only live happily ever after, but be in love while doing it.

Just one thing bothered Timothy now. He loved this woman more than thought he'd ever loved anyone in his life but as he sat on the porch, kissing her in a way he hadn't realized he knew how to kiss, he wondered how much longer he could possibly resist all the many little ways that she tempted him. Timothy knew that sooner, rather than later, he would surrender to sin, and unlike the last time he'd participated in such a thing, he'd be fully willing.


	7. With All the Regret and All the Pain

Chapter 7- With All the Regret and All the Pain

"Timothy are…are you okay?" She asked as he crawled into bed next to her.

"Y-yes why wouldn't I be?"

"Remember what ya told me when ya found me in the kitchen, back at Briarcliff? Ya were raped." They hadn't talked about it, but she knew it was what was bothering him.

Jude began to run her fingers through his hair in a gentle soothing motion and at once he pulled away; signifying that, he was in fact bothered by her mentioning it.

"I-I'm fine." He decided.

He didn't look directly at her as she was wearing the slip. It was the same slip Mary had worn when she raped him, and he had yet to tell Jude that little detail. He thought she'd come completely unhinged.

"Timothy it takes a long time and new experiences to get over something like that, I know, I've been there."

"You, you have?" Timothy was angered to hear this and turned to her in surprise.

Livid would be a better description for how he felt about this. He hadn't been under the impression that she was a virgin, as he had been, but this was certainly news to him. He clenched his fist under the blanket where she could not see it, his anger making him forget his own angst for a moment. She'd suffered so many indignities that he knew of and he couldn't believe she'd suffered this too.

"Yes Timothy, I've been raped before. It was a long, long time ago but ya don't forget how it feels. If you ever want to talk about it…please let me know. Alright?"

The memories were fresh for her actually. After all, she'd nearly been raped a second time several months before when Leigh Emerson had trapped her in her room. But she wasn't going to tell Timothy about that, at least not right then, she thought he'd come completely unhinged.

"H-how'd it happen to you?" He asked, again, skipping over his own experience.

Jude sighed. She didn't want to tell this lovely man about her past. She didn't know quite what they had, but here they were, sharing a bed and planning a home…he was a virtuous man who she loved more than any other man she'd ever thought she'd loved, and now, as she grappled with what to say, she feared he would become disgusted with her, casting out all his feelings for her when he decided to throw her out.

"Timothy I…it was a long time ago…I wasn't always a nun, ya know."

"I know that Jude. Jude…where were you…all that time you weren't a nun?

Jude nearly choked.

"W-what?"

"You became a nun later than most, where were you?" He figured she'd been married before, but didn't say this.

"Timothy I…I didn't have a wonderful growing up. My Mother loved me and she was a good person. She had me alone, my Father left when I was very little…I barely even remember him…he went to get a pack of cigarettes one evening. Never came back. My Mother did the best she could…but by the time I was eighteen she had died and I was on my own, doing what I could to survive. I could sing." She laughed. "And I became a singer, in a jazz band."

Jude was afraid that even this would be the end of it for him. She'd been an entertainer and knew first hand that some people considered it a dirty profession, one they couldn't and wouldn't associate with.

"I could see that." He smiled. "You have a beautiful singing voice." Was all he said and this surprised Jude very much. She continued with her story, feeling encouraged when he took her hand.

"I had boyfriends…Timothy…Ya were lucky." She laughed sort of bitterly. "A girl in that position, she can't necessarily keep her virtue even if she wants ta."

In hindsight, Jude wished desperately that she could've kept her virtue in tact, it might've met not getting broken, used up and diseased. It may've met a husband and the thing she'd wanted more than anything: a baby. Jude couldn't think about the baby thing, it had been a cruel cosmic joke for that to have been, stolen from her. She swallowed, holding back tears. Timothy noticed but said nothing.

"My boyfriends were all men I knew…men in my band, men I was friendly with and danced with. It was for fun and survival…I wasn't a whore…" She wanted to make that clear. "I made a living…but with no family, and nothing other than that life, I became a partier."

Timothy understood this, he'd known people like this back in London, before he'd come to America and became a Priest, although he'd never done anything but drink with them a few times and listen to their music. He nodded and let her continue.

"But I…I had someone take advantage of me once Timothy and it was painful, emotionally and physically…I know how it feels….and I hope ya don't see me different now that…"

"No Jude." He said. "You're still my rare bird. We're all human; we all have something that's happened to us that we're not proud of. I don't know how I'll ever swallow this shame…you came to the Church after that Jude, you're absolved of your sin but…I was a Priest when this happened! A Priest!" Timothy replied as he began to cry.

"Timothy, the Church doesn't believe me about Mary, but you know I'm right now, don't you?" She pressed and he nodded through his tears. "Even Arden knows that the Devil lives inside that girl."

Timothy paused as he sniffled. Jude looked on sympathetically, she hated to see a grown man cry, and worse she hated to see Timothy in pain.

"Oh sweetheart." She said, pulling him in close to her, this time he allowed it.

Jude resented that sometimes Timothy bristled at her touch and she knew it had nothing to do with her, or with sin because they weren't married. He hadn't said it but it was obvious to her that it had everything to do with Mary Eunice. Jude was severely angry but channeled her rage into compassion for Timothy.

"I don't know what the Church thinks of your resignation but it doesn't matter. They are not yar master and yar keeper. God is judge, he knows what happened and he knows its not yar fault."

"I know but…I feel so guilty."

"Yar not guilty, yar not affected…if ya were do ya think ya could've saved me? No never. Ya would've helped Mary ruin me if she'd gotten to ya."

"Hey, that's right." He considered. "Jude how did…how did you ever feel again…how'd you go back to…to being alright with men after…" He said, subtly hinting that his rape was the reason he wasn't comfortable being more intimate with her than they were being.

Jude paused and nodded slowly. It had been a few weeks since Jude had began speaking and it was nearly April. In that time, she had become her old self, was completely healed and gotten new clothes of her own. The two had begun to fix up their little house and seemed to be growing closer by the day. Oftentimes, the couple would find themselves making out late into the night after they'd gone into bed. Over the last few days things had become a little more intense, and with that somewhat more nerve-wracking…

It seemed to Jude as though things had gotten more aggressively physical between them each night that week and each night she'd started to think they were getting closer to consummating the relationship…but Timothy always pulled away from her and sweetly and kissed her goodnight before anything real actually began, still leaving her in her red silk slip.

This broke Jude's heart a little bit, but she understood why he couldn't go on. Timothy, on the other hand felt like so much less of a man for not being able to continue. Every time it happened, Jude would kiss his cheek sweetly and close her eyes. She'd been raped before and she understood. She sure hoped that if they ever did have sex and there came a time in their life together when she couldn't, that he would understand.

"It's like my wounds Timothy." She sighed. "We have to nurse them and they will heal. Now, it's my turn to nurse you. It takes love and understanding and prayer and time. But I promise ya." She grabbed his head and brought him close, kissing her forehead. "You will get there and I will be there all the way."

…

It was when the rain started again that Jude remembered that a way to a man's heart was really through his stomach. The trouble was, she had his heart…kind of. She knew he loved her even though he still hadn't said it. Today though, she was only concerned with soothing his soul. She sensed his pain and it hurt her heart.

"Timothy?"

"Um?"

"Would ya like me ta make your favorite tonight?"

He froze and looked up from his book.

"Coq au vin?" He raised his eyebrow.

"Yes…" She hesitated, he did not turn around to look at her and she was afraid that he wouldn't like this it was after all the meal she always made for him at Briarcliff.

"Yes please." He said quickly. She laughed and walked across the room to kiss him. Jude thought he was so adorable when he accepted. The look on his face made him look so much like a little boy pleading for his favorite supper.

"Alright sweetheart, coq au vin it shall be." Jude saw him smile from her place behind him and kissed his cheek again before walking back toward the stove.

"Can I help?" He asked, getting up and putting his book down.

"Of course." She smiled, extending her hand to him.

Although she was old fashioned in some ways she was in her heart of hearts exceptionally glad that Timothy wasn't one of those men who expected her to do things for him because she was the woman and he was the man. Instead, he assumed they were on equal ground, he did things for her just as she did things for him, and more often than not, he liked for them to do things together: cooking particularly.

"Here." Timothy said, grabbing two wine glasses from the cupboard. Jude was immediately uncomfortable but he didn't notice.

"None for me thank you Timothy." She said, covering her glass with her hand just as she was about to pour.

She could smell his wine and really craved it even just a drop would suffice. She secretly couldn't wait to suck it off of his lips later, hoping that just that little bit would satisfy her craving. Jude took a breath and grabbed the wine from Timothy, placing it on the other side of the stove; she'd need to save some of it for the cooking after all.

"W-why don't you want any?" He inquired, beginning to laugh a little. "You're not pregnant are you?" He joked.

Jude shot him an annoyed glare that he didn't notice. Pregnancy was not a thing to joke with her about it. Even today, the idea that she'd never have children hurt her a lot. At least she'd never have to tell him about that painful part of her past.

"Jude you're no longer a nun," he continued, "and even as a nun I told you it wasn't necessary to renounce all indulgences, please, have some." He wanted to point out that chocolate was technically an indulgence and that she hadn't renounced that, but refrained.

Jude took another breath, bracing herself against the kitchen counter. She wasn't sure if she wanted to tell Timothy this yet.

"T-Timothy I, it's like the other thing." She began nervously.

"What other thing?" He asked cluelessly. She sighed.

"The fact that I lost my virtue a long time ago…I used to have a little bit of a problem with drinking."

"Oh!" He understood. "Then should I…?"

"No, no Timothy you may partake…but I worked really hard to, to refrain, it was part of my promise to God and while my vows may have been renounced far me, I'm not willing to break that promise to him or myself."

Timothy smiled, understanding completely.

"I understand how that feels Jude."

"Yar not disgusted with me?"

"No!" He was amazed at the question. "Never, love." He kissed her cheek and she blushed when he called her love.

"Where are ya from?" She asked after a moment's pause.

"England." He gave her a quizzical look; he knew she knew where he was from.

"It's just…we've known each other so long Timothy, over the years we told each other little things when we've socialized; for example, ya knew I had a Mother, I knew you were from England…but now that ya know my deepest darkest secrets and ya still wanna be with me…I feel like I know very little about you."

"Oh." He smiled. This made sense to him. "Well, what would you like to know?"

"Anything; everything, Timothy."

"Everything's quite a lot my love."

"Yes, it is. But we have quite a lot of time."

"Well, I was born in London." He took a sip of his wine. "I have a Mother and three sisters: Mary…yes, her name is Mary." He laughed. "Margaret and Beth…my Father died when I was five."

"Oh Timothy I'm sorry."

"It looks like neither of us had a Father." He replied simply.

"No, no we didn't I was about five when mine flew the coop."

"I'm sorry Jude."

"It's alright…who knows, maybe I was better off without him." Jude doubted that this was true but didn't want him to think she was such a pathetic figure.

"Perhaps you were love, I went to boarding schools as a boy. When I was very young, I felt the calling to join the Church, but, before that, I felt another calling: to come to America so, I decided to do both."

"And yar Mother and yar sisters, they just let you go like that?"

"They were not pleased to see me go, no." He admitted sadly. "But I came here, just in time for the war to break out."

"Oh!" Jude understood.

"They have visited me on a number of occasions but I haven't been home in over twenty years." He confessed. She was surprised by this. "I became a Priest a few years after I came here. And about twelve years after that, I joined the Church, met a very lovely nun and I never looked at anything the same way again."

"Timothy." She blushed.

"So I take it you have no family."

"No." She shook her head. "Not a soul…not since my Mother died."

This wasn't exactly true. Mary Eunice had been Jude's family, but she didn't bring this up to for Timothy's sake. She'd been like a daughter, and her loss was very painful for Jude. She secretly felt very conflicted about what had happened to Mary. On one hand, she worried for the real Mary's soul and missed her deeply. On the other, she despised what was left of the young nun.

Jude had never told Mary she was in love with Timothy, but she knew she knew. There was an understanding between them on the subject and that made the fact that she had raped him hurt even more. Sometimes, Jude felt guilty about his rape, like it was something the devil in Mary had done not just to scar him but to crush her.

"So no one has ever loved you the way you deserved to be loved?" Timothy asked. "What a shame Jude I guess that's what I'm for."

"W-what?" She asked, perplexed as he moved in and took her in his embrace.

"I love you Jude."

He took her face in his hands. It had taken him a long time to feel like he could say this. She'd shared so much of herself with him now, and he knew that it was the right time to declare his love because with every deep, dark thing that she confessed about herself, he realized he was growing to love her even more.

"Y-you….?" She couldn't hide her surprise; it seemed to take her breath away.

"Oh yes Jude, I–I've always loved you. And I was a fool for not saying it until now."

"Oh my Timothy, I've always loved you too!" She said as she began to cry.

Timothy didn't bother with telling her not to cry, instead he began to kiss her, because he understood her tears. Jude was overwhelmed, she never thought he'd say it. He loved her? Even after knowing all the horrible mistakes she'd made in her life and the things that had happened to her! That amazed her…how much love must he have for her if it that was the case? Jude was surprised and almost screamed when she felt herself being lifted up and placed on the edge of the kitchen counter, his kiss became even more aggressive from this angle.

"Even knowing I'm not perfect, do ya still want me?" She asked breathlessly.

"Do I still want you?! Oh Jude I'll love you not only until the day I die but for all eternity. For a long time I've felt so empty and I didn't realize it fully until I had you in my arms and it became crystal clear that you're all I ever wanted Jude."


	8. For Always and Always

Chapter 8- For Always and Always

May 1965

"Let's go fishing." Timothy suggested suddenly.

"Fishing? Timothy I don't think I'm one far fishing." Jude laughed, looking up from the dinner she was beginning to cook. She'd just started and Timothy had no idea what she had planned.

"Sure you are Jude, it's easy."

"No, no I'm not. " She reassured. "Besides, I have a surprise for ya." She admitted hoping he'd change his mind.

By now, Timothy and Jude had been living together for three months and their efforts to fix up the house had gone much further than Jude could've ever envisioned. She'd imagined fixing up the leaky roof a little and tightening a few rattlely doors, but she never would've guessed that the place would brighten up in the way it had.

The once drab and dreary house now seemed light and airy, and even though she'd participated in the transformation she didn't think she'd ever totally understand how it went from being barely livable to very pleasant in such a short period of time. All the things that had been in disrepair like the paint, the fireplace and the roof had all been redone with new siding and plaster and brick by the work of their own hands.

In addition to the house, the two had learned to survive living out in the woods together and were now looking forward to the start of summer as their reward for making it through the long, harsh Maine winter.

"Nonsense, fishing is great fun." He said, extending one hand to her, and turning off the stove with the other. "And besides, you didn't think you knew how to fix a house either…"

Both of them took great pride in their house and saw it as beautiful because it was something they made together. Timothy saw it as evidence that he'd always been right about her. It hadn't just been that he loved her from the time he laid eyes on her; it was that he'd known that she was good for him and he could succeed with her by his side in anything and everything. Timothy took that lesson to heart, today of all days.

Jude, on the other hand loved their little home. She treasured it not simply because she shared it with Timothy but because it was the only home anyone had ever sought to really provide for her. On that same note, she didn't quite know what to make of their home or even of them because she still wasn't sure what she and Timothy were to each other. And that hurt.

"Oh but Timothy I really have to…" She protested, not wanting to leave her surprise behind.

"Please. Come with me." He urged. "It's a lovely day and I know you won't want to miss this."

Timothy, you see, had a surprise of his own for Jude. Jude sighed. She'd never been fishing; and more than that, she'd never really been one for anything outdoorsy. She took Timothy's hand, supposing she could finish his surprise later in the day, it was, after all, only lunchtime.

…

Jude knew what she liked about fishing right away.

"Okay, have you got it?" Timothy asked.

He stood behind her, his arms wrapped around her guiding her hands as she tried to reel in the first fish she'd ever attempted to catch. Timothy thought it seemed awfully big for a saltwater fish, and the two of them were having a hard time bringing it in, even together. They'd waded into the water a little bit, the little waves lapping up on their knees. Neither of them cared both were enjoying the feel of the water and the sensation of their bare toes hitting the sand underneath. Most of all, Jude loved that he held her from behind. She could feel every inch of his chest pressed against her back and it made her feel so good inside.

"I-I think so…" She grunted, struggling to bring it up, but the fish kept up its fight. The two waded further into the water together, not caring that it only got them wetter.

Timothy also had his hands on the fishing pole, he grabbed it tighter, taking the brunt of the grip from her and pulling back. His foot gripped a rock on the surface below. While the weight was a bit much, he loved the sensation of Jude's much smaller, more delicate feet standing partially on top of his. This fish, however, was proving to be a bit too much. Timothy stepped forward a little further, finding quickly that he didn't know the terrain of the lake. Before he knew it he could feel his foot begin to slip and he lost his balance, sliding into the water and taking Jude down with him. He gripped her waist as they went under and both of them let go of the fishing pole. She turned around to face him, fully in his arms now and began to kiss him.

The couple came up from the water, still kissing even as they paused to gasp for air. Jude shook her head, her long blonde curls now soaking wet. Timothy moved in continuing to kiss her even before she was able to say a word. She gasped, melting into his mouth as he searched hers with his tongue. She couldn't believe how vigorously he was pursuing her and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

"T-Timothy." She cried, her forehead against his as she gasped for air.

Because they were in the lake, both of them were soaked from head to toe and their clothes clung to them, suddenly becoming skintight. Jude noted that in between kisses, his eyes kept falling to where her white shirt clung to her chest, leaving next to nothing to the imagination.

"T-Timothy." She asked again, as he continued to kiss her. He held her tighter now than she though he'd ever held her and his eyes searched her, full of lust and wonderment now. "Timothy…I want to have sex, I want to make love to you. Please."

"I want to do one thing Jude, before we go to bed together."

"We've been sharing a bed for months and you've been a complete gentleman and while it was nice for a while, I'm sick of it." Timothy laughed at this.

"Before we make love, I want to make you my wife." He said. Jude gasped and he could feel her begin to tremble in his arms. "Because I love you Jude." He sweetly rested his forehead against hers. "And I want to be with you forever and ever…I know your past Jude. And it's all okay by me but…the next time you go to bed with a man, you deserve to be his wife. You deserved that the first time." He explained. Jude began to cry when he said this.

"You don't need to cry."

"Oh Timothy! I always wanted you too feel this way about me, from the first time I saw ya, I…"

Timothy stopped her talking by kissing her and she replied in kind, returning his kiss, slipping her tongue back inside of his mouth.

"Is that a yes, my rare bird?" He asked when they broke apart.

"Oh yes, it's a yes." She nodded as she cried.

"After we're married." He kissed her. "I promise to never be a gentleman in your bed again Jude. Not ever."

"Does this mean I can love you till the day I die?" She asked as she cried.

"It means you can love me as your husband for all eternity." Jude laughed through her tears when he said this and he leaned back down, beginning to kiss her once more.

…

Dr. Arden stood, looming over his subject, a scalpel in hand. Months had passed and enough was enough. After her last rampage, in which she'd attempted to kill a patient, Mary Eunice had taken a horrible fall off the stairs and fallen to what he'd expected to be her death. Some how, or another, Mary was alive but passed out cold. He'd taken his former friend and strapped her to the table in his lab. Arden toyed with the scalpel, considering his options.

He sighed, noting that Mary still looked every bit the sweet young nun he'd grown to treasure and that pained him. How could he hurt the one person he'd ever well…loved? Arden didn't know what his feelings for Mary were. As he'd always told Sister Jude, his intentions were nothing but pure. Perhaps at one time, he'd found her attractive. She was. But overtime he'd grown to think of her truly more as a friend than anything else, every other adjective he considered made him feel like a dirty old man.

Despite this, he was angry with who Mary had become and still didn't understand what had happened to her. He could come up with no medical explanation for what had befallen her. Unfortunately, nothing explained her change in behavior except for Sister Jude's accusation that she was possessed by the Devil…but as a man of science, Arden did not want to even begin to entertain this possibility as valid.

Arden took a deep breath. He'd cut into so many other people with absolutely no hesitation, but where Mary was concerned, he couldn't help notice that he didn't want the procedure to hurt her and that shamed him. Mary was still wearing her habit but he'd removed the veil portion so he could examine her head after her fall. He'd also torn away at her sleeve so it would be easier to administer medication. As much as he wanted to destroy her and hurt her, he'd decided to medicate her before he began, a courtesy he offered to very few of his subjects. Arthur was disgusted with himself for caring about her comfort after all she'd done, and with all shreds of her innocence obliterated.

Truthfully, Dr. Arden had been standing there staring at his friend for quite a while, hesitant to begin. Either way, this was going to be something he couldn't undo and he thought he might regret it. The first choice was lobotomizing her, would permanently alter her state but he thought that perhaps it might erase the evil that had accumulated in her mind and make her subservient to him. The second choice was making her one of his creatures as he'd done with Shelley and so many others. Either way, the damage was irreversible, and either way, he'd loose some bigger chunk of the Mary he once adored. If he went for the lobotomy, she'd scease to be herself, both old and new. And if he decided on mutating her, he wouldn't even be able to look at her and see his sweet Mary Eunice anymore. He didn't know if he was ready for that.

At the same time, that was the point. If she couldn't be who he needed her to be, he'd obliterate whatever was left of her. Arden opened the toxicology report, deciding to review it before he made a final decision. He'd tested her blood as soon as he got her to his lab, hoping that perhaps, it would at last minute reveal something about her condition that he could do something about. Perhaps it would tell him that her brain was rotting out of her scull or something that would make any medical sense to him. Part of him actually wanted to crack open her skull and take a look at her brain to see if it appeared different than it should. Perhaps, he considered, if evil took form physically, it would manifest its self in some part of the brain. Arden put his thoughts aside for a moment and turned his attention to the report, reading it quickly but carefully. He raised an eyebrow looking up from the page at Mary Eunice in disgust.

"After everything else Sister, this figures." He spat.

He wanted to call her a whore but refrained, he had no words and was now even more puzzled about what to do with her. He grimaced at the recollection of seeing her on top of the Monsignor and realized immediately that this was a result of that egregious act. Of course, the Monsignor was no longer around…now it was just him left to clean up the mess. While this wasn't always the case at Briarcliff, Dr. Arden was of the mind that he was always the person to clean up messes left behind by both Jude and Timothy.

"Ummm." Mary stirred, her moan sounded long, drawn out and miserable.

Arden stood immediately; at first feeling very much on his guard because of how out of control she'd been earlier on in the day.

"Dr. Arden….w-where am I?" She managed, her eyes almost completely closed.

"You're in my lab. You've taken a fall."

Mary was frightened when she realized that she couldn't move her limbs and was strapped to Arden's table by her ankles and wrists.

"Ummm where's Sister Jude…I need Sister Jude, please…"

Arden raised an eyebrow at this…she didn't remember what she'd done to Sister Jude? He decided to test her.

"She's…preoccupied at the moment Sister, but I'm sure she'll come and see you in a while."

"Please, please get her." Mary moaned. "She always comes when I'm sick."

"You don't know what happened to Sister Jude, do you…or Frank, or that nun, or the Mexican…"

"Dr. Arden what are you talking about, and why am I restrained….I have such a headache."

Something about the tone of Mary's voice seemed different to Arden, if he didn't know better, it seemed as though her new persona had left her.

"W-what's going on?" She asked, fear evident in her eyes.

"Mary Eunice, you're pregnant."

"W-what?!" She asked, panic, rather than anger clear in her voice.

It was this reaction that sold Arden on the fact that he was speaking to the real Mary Eunice. The evil girl she'd been for the past several months would never have been surprised, let alone afraid about the idea of a pregnancy, she would've had some filthy comeback about it, and all he saw written in Mary's eyes now was confusion and terror. He decided to sit back down next to her and try to be some kind of a comfort.

"It's a long story Mary you've been…out of it for a while and you're going to have a baby."

"I'm gonna have a…I'm having a what…?" She seemed to be on the fringe of hyperventilating.

"You're with child Mary." He clarified.

"What! H-how did this happen?! Whose the Father…Why do I feel so sick?" Mary was in a complete panic, she was a nun and a virgin, how could this have happened. "Please I need Sister Jude." She cried, like a child wanting her Mother and tried to sit up as much as her restraints would allow.

"Here why don't you lye down." He said, taking her by her shoulders and gently laying her back. "You've been through a lot. You have a nasty bruise on your head from your fall but you'll be quite fine." He said, giving her a cold compress and placing it on her forehead.

"I don't know quite what's gotten into you over the past several months…but you seem to be you again. I can't believe you don't remember…Sister Jude, thought you were possessed by the Devil." He laughed. Mary's eyes widened under the compress, the idea making sense to her when he said this, it explained everything. "Maybe she was right…." He reflected, laughing a little because he wasn't giving the thought serious consideration.

"Where's Jude?" She pressed.

"Don't you remember?" He laughed. "You framed her for murder and made her a patient here."

"What? No!" Mary cried, devastated by this news, tears flooded to her eyes.

"You've been a very bad nun during your time of strange behavior." He chuckled. "But all of that aside, we must talk about what to do about your little problem."

"Y-yes." She admitted. "We must." Mary's heart sank. She still didn't know where the baby came from but now that she knew she'd been possessed, she worried that the baby was evil.

"Well, of course the most reasonable thing to do would be to perform an abortion it's actually a fairly simple procedure…"

Mary's head swirled as he said this, her hand instinctively moving to her abdomen.

"No!" She exclaimed.

"What?" He laughed. "Mary Eunice it's your only choice."

"No Dr. Arden…No I won't do it." He knew right away that she was adamant.

"What because you suddenly believe in the sanctity of life?" He teased, wanting to point out all the people who had died at her hand directly or indirectly when she was in that…hellish state…but he decided not to tell her about those things.

"Yes." She said, he laughed once again, this time fully realizing she'd returned to her real self.

"Mary it's not reasonable. You're a Nun, and for a time, you were a demented Nun. Do you have any family, anyone to turn to?" She shook her head no as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "Well you can't have him here. A pregnant Nun. The church wouldn't look kindly on that. It would have to be kept hidden and how would you do that?"

"I-I don't know…."

"Mary, believe me you don't want a child conceived in rape."

"R-rape?" She gulped; her heart began to pound when he said this. She couldn't remember being raped. "Whose the Father? Please, tell me…"

"Timothy Howard."

"The Monsignor…" Mary was very troubled by this, why would he rape her? "W-why would he do that to me?" Mary started crying again.

Arden paused, realizing Mary thought he raped her instead of the other way around. He decided to use this to his advantage and not correct her on the matter.

"See why I think it's best to…"

"But he's my baby!" She sniffled. "I…"

"You want it, don't you?"

"Yes. Yes I do." Arden sighed. "Please, Dr. Arden…I helped you hide your monsters for so long. You can help me hide my baby."

…

"So, are you ready?" Timothy asked.

The two sat in the car, staring up nervously at the little courthouse. They'd decided to do this quickly and had driven to Augusta after very minimal preparation. Both had immediately decided that having a church wedding would complicate things too much, and more importantly, take up too much time. They wanted to be married expediently.

Timothy had put on a nice suit, and Jude had gone into town and gotten a little dress. It was by no means a traditional wedding gown, it was more of a cocktail dress than a gown, it was off white and more modern than it was elegant, but it didn't matter. It made Jude feel alive and Timothy loved the way it graced his bride's shoulders.

"Oh boy Timothy, am I ever ready." She smiled, taking his hand. Timothy kissed it, pulling her over to him and helping her out of the car.

"Are you sure you're ready Mrs. Howard?" He asked, kissing her softly as he ran his hands up and down her arms very soothingly. She felt weak in the knees when he called her this, but answered in spite of it.

"Umm, yes Mr. Howard." She smiled between kisses. "I'm very, very ready."

"For always and always Jude?" He asked, unable to break away from her lip lock for very long, even though they were in public now.

"For always and always my love."


	9. One Flesh

Chapter 9- One Flesh

"I hope yar not nervous." She smiled. "It's just me and I'm your wife now."

"Of course a little, but we're one flesh now Jude."

"Yes we are." She smiled, accepting his kiss. She found the phrase romantic and smiled into the kiss as he ran his hands gently over her shoulders and arms.

Timothy and Jude could've done a myriad of things after they got married. They had discussed going away for a few days on a proper honeymoon, but neither of them wanted that. Instead, they'd driven home. They wanted to be in their little oasis where they could be totally alone and remain uninterrupted.

Timothy became more comfortable as they kissed and pulled his bride in a little closer, encircling her completely with his arms. Jude could feel her heartbeat steadily increase as Timothy kissed her. No man had ever been so sweet and gentle with her before, it had been all about the act its self with them, not about the intimacy and whether he knew it or not, Timothy was all about intimate little details. Jude started fidgeting with the buttons on his pajama top as he kissed her.

"Jude, what are you…" He asked, looking down as she began to unbutton his top.

"It's alright Timothy, I've got you." She teased, beginning to kiss him again. She took her hands and ran them very gently across his chest as soon as she got the shirt open.

Timothy jumped for a moment, the idea of her touching him this way made him nervous, but then he noticed the profound difference between Mary Eunice's touch and that of his wife's. Mary had been rough and demanding. But Jude touched him with care, her soft hands brushing his chest just deliberately enough to excite him. Jude intertwined her finger in a bit of his chest hair. Finally, her wandering hand came to rest just over his heart. She paused, noting that it beat rapidly.

"Don't be afraid my Timothy." She leaned down and kissed his chest just where his heart beat under his skin. "I'm yar wife and the last thing on earth I mean ta ya is fear or harm, or anything like that."

"I know that." He said, gently gathering her face in his hands.

He cradled it there for a moment, realizing how silly it was to be afraid. He took a breath; deciding that this experience would be different from the other one he had, that it would change his mind on the subject forever.

"I love ya with all my heart Timothy Howard and all my soul and I always have."

"I know Jude. I love you with everything I am too." Timothy leaned again, beginning to kiss her once again and deciding that this time, he'd be the aggressor.

"Timothy if ya'd like I can always do the…"

"Shu…" He whispered; beginning to kiss her once again as she spoke.

He didn't want to discuss who would do what while they were in the middle of this, it ruined the mood for him, just when he was beginning to feel a mood. Timothy liked being the one to lead and found that it made him feel far more comfortable. In that instant, he realized that it wasn't Jude, or making love to a woman that bothered him, it was that Mary Eunice had taken him so forcibly, and as a result, he found he liked being the aggressor. It made him feel in charge and safe. Jude hadn't put this together, but was delighted by her inexperienced husband's decision to be the one to tell her what to do.

Jude sighed as he lye her on the bed and began to kiss her neck, her peaceful sigh, quickly turning into a quiet moaning. Timothy went back to kissing her lips in that moment, burying her moans within his depths of his mouth. Timothy paused, still kissing her as he finally fully removed his button up shirt and tossed it on the floor. Jude reached up and ran her hands over his back, feeling his toned muscles under her hands, the sensation drove both of their desires and he deepened their kiss. Timothy finally abandoned their lip lock and began to kiss her jawbone all the way down to her collar. Jude moaned again, knowing where he was going, he was teasing her with this long journey that would eventually end itself in the cleavage of her red slip, landing on her breasts, or perhaps that's just where it was beginning.

Timothy listened carefully to her soft moans as his lips made contact with her delicate skin. He couldn't get enough of her skin and with each moan she made, he wanted more and more to tear that red slip right off of her body so that he could know every inch of her. Mary Eunice had planted pleasures of the flesh in his mind and since that time, although it remained unspoken, he'd longed to have Jude. He'd barely been able to control himself when he stripped her and put her in the bath, but he did because it was the right thing…now that she was his own and they were of one flesh he couldn't wait to have her completely.

Timothy found himself sliding his hands up the hem of her slip. That vile red slip. As far as he was concerned, he wanted rip it right off of her and make it unwearable. But he didn't because he knew she loved the thing. He saw it as a symbol of her former life, and he wished she would've worn something, anything else to bed on their first night together, even nudity would've better symbolized his bride, newly pure just for him. Timothy pulled and yanked at the slip, pushing it up past her hips. She aided him in removing it but let him have the honor of taking it off of her and tossing it to the floor. She knew he hated the thing, but she wanted to look nice for her husband on their wedding night and didn't have anything else to put on for him.

Timothy felt his desire pique as soon as the slip was gone, almost as if, without it, he was finally free to enjoy his wife. She smiled up at him as he gazed down at her and she wondered what he was waiting for.

"Oh Jude." His lips descended on her shoulder and he began to kiss her, sliding up to her neck and then down to her breasts. "My Jude, my Jude."

Jude began to giggle and squeal when Timothy removed her underpants. Jude's heart raced; she'd been waiting for this for so long and was dying to know how it would feel, how he would feel.

"Please baby, I need you." She whispered.

"Shu Sister, be a little more patient." He whispered, beginning to kiss her lips. Jude smiled, wrapping her arms around him and holding him tight as he kissed her, turned on by the way he'd called her Sister just then.

Jude gasped lightly, running her palms over his chest as he went back to the work of kissing her. She tucked her fingers into his pants and began to tug. He pulled away briskly, wanting to do this himself.

"Come on Timothy, please." She begged. "Please!"

"Shu Sister, or I'll have to lecture you on waiting."

Timothy was just comfortable with kissing for now, Jude was at least happy that he'd started to allow his hands to wander all over her mostly naked frame. Timothy engaged her lips again and reached behind her to unhook her bra. Jude gasped into his mouth, desperate for him to end his teasing and begin making love to her.

"Timothy please!" She cried, feeling a growing need for him deep inside.

"Shu my love." He whispered, beginning to kiss her ear. He ran his finger down her lip in a way that sent chills up Jude's spine.

"Timothy I need…"

Timothy engaged her lips once more just to quiet her as he slid his pants off. Jude knew what was happening and her eyes widened. She wanted so much to see him for the first time and wished he weren't being so shy. He'd seen her naked so many times now. She was no longer embarrassed or ashamed; she just wanted to share with him like a wife should. She was surprised and gasped when, without warning, he stuck his fingers inside her.

"T-Timothy…" She moaned, arching her back.

"Not yet, my love." He said, moving down and nibbling on her neck.

Jude thought for sure that he was about to drive her absolutely crazy.

"T-Timothy!" She cried, wishing he'd quit kissing her in circles like this, roping her whole body into this and then suddenly pulling her back from the brink.

Jude closed her eyes as Timothy continued his assault on her neck and chest with his kisses, thinking of all the nights she'd spent dreaming of loving him in this way. She felt Timothy grab her knees as his kisses reached her face once more. She smiled sweetly, nuzzling him as he felt him position himself on top of her. He gazed into her eyes for a moment and she smiled deeply, not with her lips but with her eyes and her cheeks and her whole being.

Timothy kissed her nose and leaned his forehead against hers barely believing how much he loved this woman. Jude leaned upward into him and brushing his lips with a kiss and wrapping her arms around his neck again, gasping as he finally pushed himself inside.

"Haaaa." Jude sighed.

Jude lifted her legs and wrapped them around Timothy's waist as she let her fingers trail up his back and weave into his hair. She felt like everything was traveling at an incredibly slow but blissful pace. More than that, the sensation of all of this at once was incredible, like a kind of sensual overload. Jude gasped into his mouth. The feel of his kisses were so incredibly sweet, and yet the sensation of his entire body caressing nearly every inch of hers from her cheeks and all the way inside her was among the most amazing things she ever felt. Her union with him was just how she always knew it would be: wonderful and more than well worth the wait.

Timothy felt such incredible relief and began kissing her neck again. He'd been in such a quandary over this moment for months now, his feelings lingering between deep fear and near unstoppable desire. But now he knew being with her was without a doubt the best decision he could've ever made. It was undeniably good and right and for the first time in his life he thought he felt whole right there in her arms.

"Oh Jude, oh my Jude…"

He began to kiss her again, forcing her lips open with his tongue. She tilted her head, opening up to him further as she brushed her hands down his back. Her nails dug and embedded themselves into his skin as he continued rocking back and forth and she enveloped every inch of him in a warm, wet hug.

"H-how did you do that?" Jude asked breathlessly. An hour or so had passed and they lye there together right away.

"How'd I do what?" He smiled.

"How on earth was that only yar second time? Yar phenomenal. The most phenomenal I've ever…"

"Perhaps its because we're married and you were made for me and I for you."

"You really believe that?"

"With all of my heart." He smiled, kissing her hand.

"That's beautiful Timothy." She leaned over and kissed him sweetly.

"I think so too Jude."

"But personally; I just think yar very good." She giggled; she always knew he would be very good.

"Um Jude. You're very good too."

She laughed into his lips, beginning to kiss him once more.

"I love you Timothy Howard."

"I love you Mrs. Howard."

Timothy pulled her in close to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist as they kissed. Timothy and Jude kissed slowly as they grew drowsy from their long day and exhausting evening, but neither of them were willing to pull away from the other. Finally, the two fell asleep in each other's embrace.

…

Jude smiled when she woke up the next morning, pushing herself up on her hands as she beamed down at her sleeping husband. She found she couldn't wipe the smile from her face and more than that, she couldn't believe he was her husband. She ran her fingers through his hair as she sat up and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, hoping she wouldn't wake him up. He looked so peaceful and deserved his sleep. It was warm out and Jude decided it would be a nice time for a shower while he slept.

They'd left all the curtains open the night before, now the morning sunlight cascaded into the house, soaking into her skin as she made her way to the shower. Jude was really more of a bath person than a shower person, but today was one of those days where she felt like being completely soaked by the water, having it pour over her head at a gentle, refreshing pace. After her shower she was either going to sneak back into bed with her husband or she was going to go and make breakfast. While most of her would've preferred to climb back into bed she had to admit that the idea of food appealed strongly to her as they hadn't eaten at all the night before and she knew Timothy would feel the same.

Jude sighed as she turned on the tap, feeling the hot water begin to flow onto her head and down her back. She closed her eyes, deciding to take the time to relax and gather herself. All her time with Timothy was wonderful and the whole of yesterday had been intense, especially last night. She couldn't believe they were finally married and that she would spend the rest of her life with this man she'd longed for since the moment she laid eyes on him. She'd said that in her vows yesterday, that:

"_You changed my path and I began a new life the first moment I looked in your eyes."_

Jude smiled, allowing the water to overtake her body, soaking her completely. She closed her eyes as the room filled with steam, taking in a deep breath and allowing it to fill her lungs. Little flashes of last night came floating back to her when she closed her eyes and she moaned lost in the memory. She didn't know if it was the sweetest or the sexiest parts of her wedding night she would treasure most. The evening had been exquisite and in hindsight, was enough to extinguish every fantasy she'd ever had about being with Timothy. The reality was so much better than the fantasy had ever been.

More than anything, she couldn't get the feel of Timothy's caress out of her mind. She'd never had anyone hold her like that in her life, during sex or otherwise. It was the little ways Timothy brushed her skin or cradled her back that nearly sent her over the edge. He knew how to be rough when needed but overall, handled her like she was a precious treasure…even when he was in the middle of being rough. It was tantalizing. Jude smiled, moaning a little as she recalled the way Timothy rubbed his thumbs in circles along her sides as the two of them drew closer and closer to their release.

"Timothy, Timothy…don't stop, don't stop!" She'd cried, digging her feet into his calves, panting breathlessly as she felt his breath fall upon her lips again.

Timothy said nothing and reached out and grabbed her hand, clasping it tightly in his own as Jude closed her eyes, she gasped, suppressing a moan as her head rolled back into the pillow.

"No Jude, no o-open your eyes."

"Ah…oh…Timothy!"

Jude struggled to comply with her husband's wishes in that moment, but opened her eyes wide, looking deep into his brown pools.

"Stay with me Jude! Stay with…me…" His demand cut short by a moan. He tightened his grip on her hand and she responded in kind just in time to meet their release perfectly and just at once.

"Ah! Ah! Ahhhhhhhh!" Jude screamed, her eyes opening wide, she was called back to the present when she felt someone grab her from behind.

"Shu, shu, Jude it's just me, it's just me." Timothy soothed.

"Oh!"

She sighed, beginning to giggle immediately, the pace of her heart slowed when she realized that her husband had merely woken up and decided to join her in her shower, grabbing her from behind when she was enthralled with her recollection of the night before. Jude laughed into his mouth as he leaned into kiss her.

"Good morning sweetheart." She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck. The pace of her heart quickened again, when she remembered that it was her first morning ever as his wife.

"Good morning, my love."

"Um…" She sighed, leaning her forehead against his. "That was some night."

"Yes, yes it was." Timothy smiled.

He leaned in and began to kiss her again. Slowly, Timothy's kisses became more aggressive and without warning he backed her into the wall of the shower. She laughed loudly, drawing in a deep sigh as he kissed the line of her jaw.

Like with Jude, the night had been tantalizing for him and left him wanting more. All his doubts about leaving the Priesthood were gone now. He was thoroughly convinced that God met for he and Jude to be together, that it was not just some mistake they'd made but that it was always part of the plan, from the moment they met. He could see that very clearly now. More than anything, his love for his new wife had been strengthened and his fears about his rape had been eradicated. Sure Mary had violated him, but Jude…Jude had shown him a new world: a safe, loving, passionate world he shared only with her.

Jude was still giggling when he stopped and kissed her squarely on the forehead, the water still beating down on them much like a spring rain shower. He took her smiling face in his palms and brought her eyes up to meet his tender gaze.

"I love you precious wife. From the bottom of my heart."

"I love you too wonderful husband. From the depth of my soul."

…

Two Days Later

"Now this is romantic." She smiled as he held her tightly, wrapping both of his arms around her ribs. She snuggled into him as he placed a kiss on the dome of her head. "Sleepin under the stars, what a wonderful suggestion Timothy."

"It's something I always wanted to do. I never thought I'd do it with my beautiful wonderful bride though." He said and she giggled as he kissed her.

"This is nice." She sighed, laying her head against his chest. "Its even better

than sex well…maybe not better."  
"I know what you mean. This is different. It's peaceful. And besides…how often can you have sex…every day and night?"

"I think we could." She giggled.

"It would be nice…but there should be a time for rest. But I have a beautiful wife who doesn't give me too much of it." She giggled, leaning down to kiss him.

"No I don't."

"And for that I'm actually very glad." He smiled and they kissed again.

"I have a surprise for ya." She told him.

"You do?"

"Yes. Remember what I was doing when ya asked me ta marry ya?"

"You were cooking…and you said it was a surprise."

"Yes." She said. "And I finally finished it when ya went into town earlier."

"Oh?" He was intreaged and followed her back into the house.

"Actually." She laughed. "It was a perfect wedding surprise." Jude was pleased with this, since they'd eloped she figured they needed a traditional wedding surpise like this.

"I uh…I got you a surprise too."

"Oh Timothy." She blushed. "I'll go first! Sit down and close yar eyes."

Timothy was hesitant but did as she asked, her excitement made him really curious as to what the surprise was. He heard the refrigerator open and shut, immediately realizing that it was food. His stomach grumbled and he hoped she didn't hear. They'd had dinner already but he was secretly hoping her surprise was coq au vin, even though he'd eaten he'd eat again if it were coq au vin.

"Alright Timothy, open yar eyes."

Timothy was surprised to see a great big chocolate cake on the table in front of him when he opened his eyes. She was right, it was the perfect wedding surprise.

"I know wedding cakes are supposed ta be white but…I like chocolate better."

"As do I." He was happy about this.

"And I planned this before the wedding, I even had part of it made already. It just happened to be perfect."

"It's wonderful Jude. We needed something like this: a cake to share just together is perfect."

They had made no preparations for their wedding. He'd put on a suit, she'd bought a basic but nice off-white dress and they'd eloped. That had been it. They'd had no presents, no friends or well-wishers…they only had the gift of each other and it was more than enough.

Jude lit some candles and Timothy cut the cake. Timothy had expected her to sit next to him but was presently surprised when she chose to sit on his lap instead.

"This is a very sweet idea Jude." He said of what they were about to do. "I've been looking for more ways to tell you I love you."

She blushed and took a bit of cake on the end of the fork she was holding he did the same. Neither was really sure how this part was supposed to be done, it had been years since either of them had gone to a wedding and at the time they hadn't paid much attention to this part. Nervous, Jude and Timothy each carefully fed the other a piece of cake. Timothy intentionally got a little bit of frosting on his wife's nose, and she smiled as he kissed it off of her.

"I love you Jude. And I promise to care of you for all my days." He kissed her.

"And I of you." Timothy couldn't help but lean in and kiss her again.

"Now, it's your turn to close your eyes precious wife."

"Alright." She said, closing her eyes and putting the plate down on the table.

Jude waited patiently from her place on his lap.

"Timothy." She giggled when she felt him lifting her upward.

"Shu, shu Jude it's not that."

He sat back down, with her still on his lap, she could tell he'd just taken something from his pocket and she wondered what it could be.

"Now." He whispered gently. "You're going to want to open your eyes but keep them closed until I tell you otherwise, alright."

"Okay." She nodded.

After a few seconds she could feel Timothy grab her hand, carefully prying her fingers apart, then grabbing one in particular. She couldn't help but smile, knowing now what he'd done. She could barely contain herself now and wanted to open her eyes and look. She felt Timothy take her hand in his own, making a fist with both of their hands.

"You may open your eyes now Jude."

"Timothy it's beautiful." She gasped. No one had ever bought her jewelry before and they'd gotten married without rings. This one was a diamond, perfectly cut and just right for her. She also had an engagement band and he had one too. He brought their joined hands up to his lips and kissed them softly.

"To our sacred union my precious."

Jude gasped a little and began to cry, looking down at the ring. Somehow, this made it all the more real and that combined with everything else in the last few days from the wedding, to their wonderful nights together, overwhelmed her suddenly. She smiled through her tears.

"Oh to our sacred union my love." She leaned down from her place in his arms and began to kiss him again.


	10. When We Became One

Chapter 10- When We Became One

July 4th, 1965

"Can ya pass the milk?" Jude asked, she didn't look up from her plate and didn't stop eating she merely reached out with her freehand to take it from him.

Timothy raised an eyebrow, watching her carefully as she poured the milk into her glass and then began to chug it, finishing just in those few moments he watched.

"Do we have any peanut butter?" She asked, still munching on her toast.

"No." He shook his head, watching her with an even more scrutinizing gaze. "We don't."

She sighed, clearly disappointed.

"Alright, the grape jelly will just have to do." She decided, sighing again.

"Um….Jude, are you alright?" He asked, thinking something was up with her strange behavior but he couldn't figure out what it might be.

"I'm fine. I just have this craving far milk, and peanut butter…what, Timothy, what?" She asked, noting that he was staring at her, seeming to study her like he had something on his mind. "You've had food cravings before, they pass right?"

"Y-yes they do." He said hesitantly.

Jude laughed and got up, kissing Timothy on the head, a third piece of toast in hand. Jude didn't care for toast much and usually only had one slice, he was the one who liked it, so Timothy found this very odd.

'_Food cravings…._yes that's what they are…' Timothy thought.

"W-where are you going?" He asked.

"Outside." She said. "I'm kinda tired and was going ta spend the morning lounging in the hammock, if ya wanna join me."

…

"The best thing you could do Mary, would be to abort it." Dr. Arden consoled.

Mary Eunice paused. There was still an awkward silence between them despite the fact the diner's noise filled the air with a frenetic buzz. People talked loudly, dishes clung together and the door never seemed to stop opening and closing, the little bell attached to the top rang 'ding-ding-ding' with practically every move it made.

"I told you." Mary sighed, considering his words for a moment. "That's not an option for me."

She pressed her hand against her stomach, feeling like she was cradling her baby protectively. There was a little bump there now that was small enough to still be easily concealable under her habit.

"But Sister, I…"

"No! I can already feel him moving. No!"

"Well you have to do something, look at yourself."

Mary looked down for a moment. She hadn't noticed her growing stomach so much at Briarcliff, but here, in public, wearing street clothes, it was quickly growing obvious that she was pregnant. She had taken a few days off, having made the excuse that it was the forth of July weekend and she was going to see family. In reality, she was staying at Dr. Arden's while the two of them tried to figure out what to do about the baby.

"It's not even just the pregnancy Mary Eunice, it's the baby…where will he sleep, who will take care of…no…" His face fell when he saw her smile at him. "Oh no!"

"Please! Dr. Arden…I've helped you with so much! I asked you this once and you agreed to help me, remember?"

"Yes I did but…" He thought she'd come to her senses and either abort it or leave the church.

"Please. I helped you so much with all your creatures and everything Arthur."

Arden looked up at her, always surprised when she called him by his first name. Mary had retained several traits from her possessed state; one being a newfound boldness in defending herself, another, a willingness to call him Arthur instead of Dr. Arden…something didn't think he'd ever get used to. Mary sighed.

"It would be a shame for me to have to tell the diocese about that wouldn't it…"

Arden laughed. "I'm not afraid of a pregnant nun." He gabbed.

Mary stopped dead in her tracks but held back the tears that threatened to flow. The real Mary who'd returned couldn't always keep pace with some of the manipulative traits she'd brought back with her from her possession, but slowly, she was learning how. Mary felt that some of these traits that had stayed with her were actually very good for her. They were slowly helping her become a stronger, more assertive person and she knew she'd really need those qualities as a single Mother. Despite Arden's continued pleas for her to abort or otherwise abandon this child, Mary planned on being the best Mother a kid could ask for regardless of what life threw at her.

"You should be." She insisted as calmly as possible. "Because even if you squeal on me and they throw me out all they're going to do is throw me out, but you, they'll arrest you."

Arden was completely confounded. The silly girl was right. He sighed, realizing that he had to do as she requested.

"I'm not a baby sitter."

"No one said you were a sitter! Actually, I need a Daddy!"

"Oh no, don't push it." He laughed. "That baby has a Father, and God only knows where he and that old hag of a nun have gone now."

Mary swallowed, a lump formed quickly in her throat when she said this and dropped to the pit of her stomach. Yes, it hurt that Timothy wasn't around especially when she had no idea what had really happened between them or how she ended up carrying his child. It hurt more that there was no possibility of reconciliation with him or with Jude: that he'd taken her and run off. At the same time, Mary knew that this was the way it should be. She knew Jude loved Timothy, she wasn't totally naïve, it had been written all over her former mentor's face from the very first time the three of them met. Upon reflection, she was surprised that Timothy and Jude hadn't ran away years ago….not that there'd been anything going on between them of course there hadn't, she knew them….there'd always just been something there.

That was the other thing that perplexed Mary Eunice so deeply. She thought she knew Timothy and if she did, she would tell you that he wouldn't have raped her. Not in a million years. But, Arthur swore on a stack of medical journals, the only books he would swear on, that the child under her heart was Timothy's.

"Maybe we could…no that wouldn't work."

"How about this. You have it." He said. He took a breath, not wanting to do this. "And I bring him to work one day and we tell everyone he's my grandnephew or my grandniece…whatever it turns out to be…and that his parents just died and I'm the only living relative…I give him to you to care for….and of course, I will help…" He said begrudgingly.

"Awe!" Mary's eyes brightened, she loved the idea it, was just strange enough to work. "You can be Uncle Arthur!"

"No, no…Dr. Arden will be just fine, Sister."

…

"Are you alright?" Timothy asked.

Many hours had passed. Timothy had been thinking about Jude's behavior at breakfast all day now and after several other similar incidences he finally figured out what he thought was wrong with her, and he could barely fathom it. Timothy didn't really even know how he knew. He knew next to nothing on the subject, but he was still confident about his guess.

"I-I don't know Timothy; I'm, I'm not feeling so well."

Over the last few hours her nausea and headache had taken over. They sat back at the table now, having dinner, Jude was an odd combination of too sick to eat and too hungry not to bother.

"Do you think you're alright; do you…"

"I don't know." She said, annoyed now with his questioning. "I think it's just the flu… I'm so…nauseous."

Timothy paused, trying to gather himself. He knew what he was going to ask but was unsure of how he was going to really ask it. They'd never talked about this.

"J-Jude…Have you considered that you might be…with child?" Jude's head snapped up in surprise.

"Are ya mad? Timothy, I'm too old ta have a baby. It's too late for me; that ship has sailed."

"Has it really? A long, long time ago you said that to me about marriage, and we've been happily married for a month and a half."

"Timothy; I'm not pregnant." She laughed, nearly chastising him.

"It could be a miracle." He said.

"Well, it would have to be one big miracle."

"Why?"

"Well first of all do you know how old I am…"

"Well yes but its still p…."

"Timothy…."

"I really think this is something we need to look into….you're different, you're…you're glowing." He insisted.

"Ya would want me ta have yar child?"

"Of course. It would be wonderful for us to have a baby together Jude."

"Well if I can tell you one thing Timothy." She laughed. "It's not going ta happen." Timothy sighed.

"Fine, if you're not pregnant. You're not pregnant."

He was fed up. How did she not see what he saw? She was the one who'd asked him for random peanut butter that morning.

"I'm not pregnant. Can we end this discussion Timothy?"

"Prove it to me." He challenged.

"What?!"

"Prove to me that you're not pregnant."

"How am I supposed to do that?" She asked. Jude paused. There was a way that she could prove it. "T-Timothy…you know about my past…"

"Just because you weren't always so pure doesn't mean that…"

"Timothy." She sighed. "I…" Jude stopped before she even began, cupping her face in her hands as she began to cry. She didn't want to tell her precious husband this, it was what had made Casey leave her and she couldn't live if Timothy left her.

"Whatever you have to tell me you don't have to cry my love…"

"I know you think I'm yar rare bird but I'm just a damn filthy whore!"

"Sweetheart….I love you so much." He said, taking her face in his hands. "It doesn't matter to me that you were with other men before me. It's no different than the fact that I wasn't with other women before you."

"Mary Eunice." She uttered bitterly.

"Only you count my love." He said. "Only you. Now what's there to cry about?" He asked, making a feeble attempt to dry her flowing tears with his fingers.

"When I was younger." She swallowed. Jude closed her eyes, deciding to get this explanation over with as quickly as possible. "When I was younger, got syphilis Timothy from a man that I thought was going to marry me…"

Her tears started to flow faster from her still closed eyelids when she said this. She could not look her husband in the eye. She didn't want to see the mix of disgust and horror on his face when he decided she wasn't good enough.

"He left me…and the syphilis is long gone, but," she paused, she'd never ever said it aloud before and it hurt so much, "but it made me unable ta have a baby. He took having a baby from me! And trust me, having a baby is all I ever wanted." She was sobbing now and he took her in his arms. "So quit asking me if I'm sure I'm not pregnant, because I'm never going to be pregnant Timothy!"

"Shu, shu my Jude, my Jude." He soothed, rocking her as he began to run his fingers through her hair.

Jude continued to cry as he enveloped her entirely in his embrace, she could tell he was far from upset with her and even in the middle of her sadness her heart leapt in relief.

"First of all; now I know why you're so afraid I'm going to leave you…I could never ever leave you because I couldn't live without you….Second, you are no whore, or no other despicable thing. You are my beautiful wife and my rare bird. And while I'm not your only you don't have to feel bad about it…it's the heart that counts."

"Yes Timothy you're my only in my heart." She laughed through her tears as he placed a kiss atop her head, continuing to rock her.

"That's all that matters that and say what you want about not being pregnant…but I know you better than you have any idea…because I've loved you as long as you've loved me….and something is different. Jude...don't forget that miracles happen everyday."

….

'Miracles happen every day.' Jude scoffed. She couldn't be pregnant there was just no way. It hurt deeply that Timothy had brought this up. She hadn't even considered it would ever be a topic of discussion in their marriage…or that he'd want children with her. Jude looked back at Timothy who tended to the fire as she did the dishes. She watched his toned, muscular back, taking a deep breath in as she turned back to her work. Very suddenly, she felt herself gagging a little bit but managed to suppress the need she felt to be sick.

"Everything alright Jude?" Timothy asked.

She felt a little comforted when he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her as she washed the dishes. She saw he had rolled his sleeves up and was prepared to help her. Timothy kissed her cheek sweetly from his place behind her.

"Y-yeah."

"Perhaps you should rest." He suggested sweetly. "I'll take care of this."

Jude realized Timothy was well aware that she still didn't feel too well. She felt the bile rise in her throat again when she looked down at the dishes, but once again, managed to keep herself together.

"No, no I'm…I'm fine." She said. She took a breath, immediately feeling queasy again. He noticed but pretended to ignore it.

"Jude…"

"Um?" She asked.

"I want to go into town tomorrow." He said as they collectively took a single dish from the sink and placed it on the counter.

"Why?"

"Well." He kissed her cheek, trying to be comforting. He knew she wouldn't like the suggestion he was about to make. "There are restaurants…it might be nice to have someone else cook for us for a change…especially considering your…varied tastes as of late."

"Sardines and peanut butter aren't a varied taste…" She defended falsely, putting her head down.

Jude realized that she'd been having strange cravings lately and just within the past few hours she'd begun to feel like she was going to start throwing up. She was trying desperately to hide this from Timothy. She didn't want to give his little idea any more validity than it already had.

"So I figure that tomorrow we'll go out. Perhaps sardines and ketchup next time." He teased, trying to act as if this wasn't also an acquired taste.

She bristled at the thought, for some reason sardines and ketchup concept sounded very unappealing to her and made her want to be sick.

"And after lunch." He said. "We'll go and see the Doctor and after that we'll go and buy our baby's crib."

Jude gathered herself and turned around, he placed his hands on either side of her, clutching the edge of the counter so as to trap her there.

"Timothy, far the last time." She said, looking at him intently. "I am not pregnant, if you'd wanted children, ya shoulda…"

"Here's what I want. I want you, but look at you! You are sick, and craving the strangest food I've ever seen anyone eat, which says a lot because I went to boarding schools and lived with lots of other little boys who would eat some of the most disgusting combinations of food I've ever seen, usually on a dare." He paused. "And the milk…how do you explain all the milk you've been drinking?"

Jude looked down, feeling very confused about everything he was saying. He took her chin and lifted it so her eyes met his gaze.

"Most of all, look at you my love!" He cupped her cheek in the palm of his hand. "You are glowing! You are radiant…not that you aren't always beautiful but….you are more now than ever. I've been thinking about it for days…Surely you are having my baby Jude."

….

Hours later Jude lye in silence. Not even the crickets chirped tonight to keep her company. Timothy was fast asleep next to her but she could not sleep. She was exhausted, but her head swum and her nausea had still not left her. Her husband's litany of convincing words stayed with her and she mulled over them as she tossed and turned. Could it be? No, no there was no way…she'd been told and told there would be no way.

But there was the nausea…and the cravings...She wanted to let herself even consider the possibility that this might be happening but she couldn't…finding out it had all been a false alarm would be more of a crushing blow than she could bear. But then there was that thing she hadn't admitted to Timothy: she was late.

Jude picked up her hand, slowly moving it to the lower part of her abdomen, almost forcing herself to caress her stomach gently.

"Please." She whispered, closing her eyes. "Be in there. Be yar Mommy's little miracle."

….

"You haven't said anything Jude. Nothing…in quite a while." Timothy squeezed his wife's hand.

Jude's heart beat rapidly and she stared straight forward in a panic as they walked. Timothy couldn't believe that she was so upset. In fact for some one who'd apparently wanted children so much, she seemed devastated and he was hurt by it. It was a beautiful summer day; the two had just walked out of the Doctor's office, and into the park across the street.

"I'm pregnant." She announced; staring off into space as she sat down on a bench. She almost gasped as she said it; the words were so real when she said them herself and yet, they translated to her as deep fear and awe rather than excitement.

"Yes." He smiled sitting down beside her. "I told you you were. I-I knew you were." Jude looked up, giving him a blank stare.

"W-what…h-how did?"

"Miracles happen every day Jude."

Jude was overwhelmed and in short, scared to death. She was concerned about her past, and this child's future, and most of all, she still couldn't believe this was really going to happen. She looked back at her husband, tears pooling in her brown eyes.

"Timothy I…is this far real?" Jude sniffled.

She was afraid she was dreaming, and couldn't allow herself to accept this as truth. Jude feared that this was some ploy the Devil in Mary Eunice had managed to pull; after all she'd vowed to find them and hurt them. As Jude had acknowledged, this baby thing was one of her biggest vulnerabilities. She needed to know definitively that this was real before she'd allow herself to feel anything…and no matter who told her she couldn't seem to start believing it. Timothy didn't understand this yet.

"I promise it's for real." Timothy took her hand. "There's a very real baby inside you who is an expression of our love, whose part you and part me…He's your flesh and blood and my flesh and blood. I promise that Jude." Jude smiled deeply and put her head down.

Timothy reached over and lifted her chin so she would look at him.

"It's God that made this happen; on our perfect night when we became one." Jude wanted to ask how he knew this specifically and stared back up at him as she sniffled. "Jude, do you not want to have my baby?" He finally asked, terrified the answer would be no.

"Oh of course I do! Of course I do Timothy!" She managed as her tears started again. Timothy reached up making an attempt to dry his sobbing wife's tears.

He paused for a second, the Doctor had just warned them him that she might be a little over emotional over the next several weeks and that he should try to be as supportive as possible. He wondered if this is what he had met.

"What's the matter then sweetheart. I thought you'd be so happy about having a baby."

Jude sniffled and took a breath. She said nothing for a moment, pressing her hand against her stomach as if to cradle the baby inside protectively.

"I'm just…I'm scared and I'm worried and I don't believe it…and I want so much to embrace this baby…"

"There's nothing for you to fear Jude."

Jude wondered how he didn't see that there was so much to fear.

"I-I'm old far this."

"I know but your body says otherwise, do you think you could've gotten pregnant if you were too old?"

"It's not just the conception…it's raising him I'm…" Jude didn't want to say; she was terrified inside that she'd have to do this alone like her Mother had.

"It has a Mother and a Father for a reason Jude. We're having a baby…it's not you alone in this. We're a team."

She bit her lip and he could tell she was on the verge of sobbing again. She wanted to believe him and hated that something inside wouldn't let her.

"Sweetheart, I'm here and you can tell me anything." He knew she was holding something back. "I love you. And I can't wait to see our child."

Jude blushed, wishing she could know he really felt that way.

"I understand that you're scared. That you can't believe it….but I'm very happy. Please…try to share this with me. The miracle of our baby."

"Yar gonna leave us." She cried and with those words, he understood all her panic.

"Oh no, no my Jude, I'd never ever leave you, you are the joy of my life. And if anything ever happened to you my love, the baby would be my whole world and my reason for living: to raise her, and love her, to care for her and finish the job we started when we made her."

Jude threw her arms around him when he said this.

"There, there my love, it's alright I've got you both forever and ever."

"Do you really mean those things, do ya really love the baby like that?" She shut her eyes tightly, his words were the exact opposite of how she knew her Father must have felt about her.

"I really, really, really love our baby and I hope she's a beautiful girl like her Mommy."

"Oh Timothy!" Jude gasped through her tears.

"I love you so much, and I would never leave_ any_ child of mine Fatherless if I could help it. I was Fatherless too, remember?" Jude nodded as she clung to him, assured of his dedication now. "You don't need to cry sweetheart, we can be happy together now." He wiped her tears away and she smiled, nodding in agreement.

Timothy understood immediately that she actually was happy about the baby and was being plagued by her fears from her own childhood and her Father having left. He realized she was afraid that she and their baby would repeat her and her Mother's horrible fate. He wanted to tell her he wasn't her Father but refrained, instead he moved in to kiss her lips. Jude closed her eyes, happy to accept the gentle brushing of her husband's lips against her own.

Timothy would tell you one thing though: he wanted to meet this long lost Father of hers. This man had devastated and irreparably damaged his wife. As such, Timothy wished that there was something he could do about it beyond nurturing her and being the best husband he could be.

"Do you have any other concerns my love?" He asked.

"Well, we're havin' a baby and we don't even have a job or a way to provide far…" Jude cried. She was worried about diapers and formula and everything beyond that. Children, particularly babies, cost a lot of money.

"Oh Jude. Don't worry I'll always be able to provide for you and our baby." He laughed.

"What are you takin about? Yar pension from the Church?"

He'd mentioned it before and even though he was a Monsignor she wondered how much money that could possibly be. She had had a pension at one time, and it certainly wouldn't be enough to survive on for very long, let alone use to provide for a baby. She thought it was only there for the Church to take back once she died actually, kind of like a deposit on something.

"Jude, that's a pittance compared to what I can offer."

"Timothy what are ya talkin about?" She asked as he dried her tears.

"Our daughter would never ever want for anything Jude. And our son would never have to work a day in his life…although I'd like for him to."

"Timothy what are ya takin about?" She asked a third time.

"Jude. My family is very, very…wealthy."

"Wealthy?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Yes….I've lived away from it for so long…but I have sizable means. And if I die before you, you will find yourself a very rich woman…This baby will never want for anything I promise."

"Timothy this is a lot to take in, why didn't ya tell me?"

"It may be part of my life, but I don't live it…I've been away from it for so long that I don't really think about it, especially with everything that's happened with us. I've been kind of preoccupied." He squeezed her hand. "I just didn't think of it really."

"So the baby will…."

"The baby will have his or her own trust, set up from birth."

Jude laughed.  
"Yar telling me, this baby's going to have a trust fund and his Mother didn't have food as a child."

"Oh my sweetheart, it pains me that you didn't have enough to eat my love." He placed his forehead against hers. "I promise you Mrs. Howard, you won't go without again." Jude hugged him as she started to cry again. All she'd ever done was go without.

"Shu, shu…there my Jude. It's alright. There've been enough tears today, it's supposed to be a happy day."

"Yar family is going ta hate me."

"You? The beautiful Mother of my baby. No. Never. Not when I love you so much." He kissed her softly.

"I'm not, I'm not good enough Timothy."

"You're perfect and my bride and everything I've been looking for for all my days…the days when I was a boy, when I was reckless…when I thought I'd found my calling in the Church I was just looking for you. You know what Jude? If I were given an ultimatum and it came down to choosing the money and my family or you do you know what I'd choose?"

"No." She was a little nervous. He could sense this and hugged her tighter.

"I would pick you my Jude. You and our wonderful little house and that precious little baby who I can't wait to know…you are my reward and my family my love. I have just one requirement for you…in place of a pre-nuptial agreement of course."

"Okay…" Jude was nervous about this.

"I love you more than anything in the world. And don't you dare ever tell me you're not good enough for anything again."

She nodded simply, making her promise to him, a little smile finally coming to her face.

"You want a little girl?" She asked about his previous statement.

"I very much want a little girl." He smiled. "I love you so much my Jude and I love that baby so much."

"Oh my God I'm gonna be a Mommy Timothy!" She squealed as she began to cry again, overwhelmed in a different way now that she'd finally let herself say it with joy.

"See I knew you were happy." She nodded quickly he hugged her again. She was ecstatic and had been too afraid to embrace it. She'd had so much taken away in her life and above everything she couldn't stand to loose the baby.

"Oh my Timothy…I'm gonna get to be this precious baby's Mommy!"

Timothy kissed her cheek and rocked her carefully as she continued to cry.

"Yes sweetheart. And a beautiful Mommy you will be."

….

After their talk in the park, Timothy and Jude had gone to lunch and then to buy a crib. Now hours had passed and Jude was fast asleep. Timothy lye next to her, watching her smile contently, the joy she felt evident on her beautiful face even in sleep. Timothy combed a little bit of her blonde hair out of her face and kissed her forehead softly. He could not sleep. He was totally overwhelmed by the news they'd received earlier. Until now, he'd been spending every second helping Jude and sharing his joy with her, he'd not had much time to process the information for himself and it was just now beginning to sink in.

"I'm going to be a…Father." He said out loud, listening carefully to his own words as they echoed into the night.

Being alone with his words made them real for him and he didn't completely know how to feel about them. He was sort of in a state of shock as Jude had been earlier. Like her he had expected this to be a childless marriage and was overwhelmed with emotion.

Timothy didn't know how it happened exactly, but, suddenly he found his hand pressed gently against the lower part of his wife's stomach. He hesitated momentarily, thinking of pulling it back once he realized he'd placed it there but then Jude gave a warm sigh in her sleep and placed her hand over his. Timothy then took a moment to just watch their hands rest there, still finding it amazing that his child was nestled deep inside his precious wife.

"Hello little baby…my baby." He laughed. "My precious baby. I never thought I'd be a Father, never ever in my wildest dreams, did you know that? I never realized just how happy you were going to make me either." He reflected.

Timothy thought of all the things he'd ever achieved and ever longed for in his life and somehow none of them compared to this for him. The thought that this little person; part him and part Jude, was going to come into the world amazed him so much. He adored his wife above all and couldn't help but feeling that this child was the biggest present they could ever hope to receive as well as the biggest confirmation of their love.

"I hope you're doing well in there my little gift from God….I know I can't feel you yet, because you're so very little, but perhaps you can hear me. I've been thinking…we have important things to talk about and to do you and I. I never got to have a Dad…neither did your Mommy…and that's why I want to do everything I can to be the best Father you could ever hope to have." Timothy paused, Jude didn't know this yet but he secretly couldn't wait to feel the baby move. He wanted to start bonding with it as soon as possible.

Timothy suppressed a yawn, admitting to himself that he was tired from the very long couple of days they'd had, still he couldn't bring himself to sleep.

"Daddy can't wait to look into your little face and see your Mother's beautiful smile. He can't wait to teach you and play with you…or most of all, hold you in his arms and tell you face to face that you're the best thing that ever happened to him. Anyway, good night precious baby, your Father loves you so much."

Timothy fell asleep, his hand and Jude's still pressed against her stomach. She had lye awake next to him that entire time, pretending to be asleep because she wanted to know what he had to say to their child when she wasn't around. Jude never would've expected he would be quite so sweet to their unborn baby and she was very overwhelmed, her fears about making him a Father put at ease. She squeezed her sleeping husband's hand and kissed him softly, a single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Daddy's right precious baby, Mommy loves you so much too and she can't wait to look into your little face and see your Daddy's eyes staring back up at her." Jude continued to cry and rolled over, burying her face in Timothy's shoulder where she too fell asleep.


	11. Some Like It Hot

Chapter 11- Some Like It Hot

August 1965

"Um Timothy…" Jude moaned, her eyes closed as they kissed.

Everything for her lately was about sensation and she found that sometimes, in situations like this, keeping her eyes closed maximized everything about the experience.

Jude craned her neck, turning around a little from her place on her husband's lap to kiss him. Timothy laughed into her mouth, leaning down to suck on her upper lip as they kissed, bringing her to a soft smile amid their briefly parted lips. Jude could not get enough lately and Timothy was coming to enjoy that. He had no idea, for example, how long this make out session had gone on now and of course he didn't care. He was busy stuck, not only in the feel of her kisses and her breath, but also of her legs and feet intertwining with his, and of being able to hold her in his arms, her whole body totally in his embrace and grasp, making it seem as though every bit of her belonged totally to him.

"The water's nice, isn't it?" She asked flirtatiously leaning her face against his chest when they finally broke apart. She sighed. She was burning up and enjoyed the feel of her face against his hard, wet chest.

"The water's wonderful Jude, in fact it's just perfect." He agreed, leaning down to kiss her once more as she giggled.

It was a late August night and the two were enjoying a nice bubble bath together. Their town was experiencing a heat wave and even though Jude was newly pregnant, the temperature was making her very uncomfortable, which was one reason why they decided a bath might help them cool down.

Jude smiled, pulling away from their kiss as she reached up to kiss the tip of his nose. She then smiled and lye back against him again, enjoying the feel of his strong arms encircling her.

"Do ya want a cigarette?" Jude asked as Timothy kissed her neck.

"I would love one." Timothy accepted. Jude reached behind her on the counter and grabbed her pack of cigarettes.

She took one out and placed in his mouth, slowly and in a way that was very intentionally seductive. She then grabbed the lighter and lit the cigarette before turning to get her own.

"No." He said, taking his cigarette out of his mouth and grabbing her wrist gently.

"What?!" She asked.

"No more smoking for you Jude, it's bad for the baby."

"Timothy it…"

"I read it just the other day, pregnant women shouldn't smoke. It might hurt the baby. If you want a taste," He teased, placing the cigarette back in his mouth. "You'll just have to do what I know you do with the wine I drink."

"Um what's that?" She asked, looking up at him, already knowing the answer.

"You'll just have to kiss the taste off my lips." He offered.

Jude giggled, placing her forehead against his. She turned around, keeping her head in the same place and sat on his lap facing him now. Timothy put the cigarette out, deciding not only that he liked this much better, but that he would stop smoking with her. Something inside told him that if it wasn't good for an unborn baby, it wasn't good for him either.

Timothy placed his palms on her lower back, bringing her closer to him as she forced his mouth open with her tongue.

"Um Timothy…"

"Um…?" He questioned.

Her kiss left him almost dazed. He was focused on rubbing her arms softly and on the fact that her whole body was pressed perfectly to his. He was overwhelmed, in that moment not only by their love, but by the trust he felt with her. He didn't think he'd ever trusted anyone more in his life or that he ever would. Everything was totally quiet for a moment as Jude kissed him and in this position, he could feel her heart beating steadily against his.

"Ya know what?" She asked.

"What?" He whispered.

"The cigarette taste."

"Um?" He moaned.

"It tastes so much better this way." She told him, crawling even further into his lap, if that were possible and sweetly starting to caress his lips with her own once again.

…

Jude thought she knew next to nothing about pregnancy, save for the things they teach all girls about it. So far, she was getting by on her basic knowledge of the subject. Timothy, on the other hand, knew even less than the average person and it had taken a trip to the library for him to begin to understand her recent behavior.

Timothy was sort of floored by the information he brought home with him. He opened the door slowly, peaking inside to see if his wife was close by. He never would've expected that some women found…well that they liked sex more when pregnant. The idea perplexed him but he supposed the argument he read made sense. His wife was obviously one of these women. For the past several weeks, it seemed as if Jude didn't think about much accept for sex. Her appetite for it and for dark chocolate, were both insatiable and Timothy didn't think he'd ever be able to quench her thirst for either.

Last time he went out she'd surprised him, trapping him by the front door as soon as he got home. Timothy remembered dropping everything and taking her into his arms, flipping her backward and pushing her aggressively against the wall as soon as their kiss began. He recalled Jude fumbling with his belt buckle as he lifted her up off the ground and moved in toward her neck, mouth first. She'd been wearing nothing but that awful red silk slip. At the time, he hadn't cared, himself still caught up in the lust and in the notion that he had a wife who wanted to pounce him every five minutes. It wasn't long ago that he'd been a virgin who'd had no experience and very limited knowledge of this kind of thing and now it was his everyday and since Jude had become pregnant…his several times a day.

Several weeks into this, Timothy wasn't bored but getting a little tired. He crept into the house, trying to decide if all this made him one of the lucky ones or not. He supposed it was more enjoyable than her not wanting anything to do with him, he had also read that some pregnant women would rather have nothing to do with their husbands...romantically.

"Jude." He called when she didn't see her around. He put the roses he'd brought down on the table and grabbed a vase from the cabinet, beginning to fill it with water. "Jude."

"Hi sweetheart." She smiled, leaning against the hall entryway.

Timothy nearly dropped the vase he was holding when he looked up. She stood there, wearing one of his shirts that she hadn't worn in months. Her hair was almost dry and a little tiny bit frizzy it was apparent to him that she'd just gotten out of the shower. He stared for a moment, wondering if she knew that it drove him crazy when she wore his shirts.

"Are those for me?" She asked, smiling as she rolled up her shirtsleeves and walked over to him.

"Of course."

"Thank you Timothy, they're beautiful." She came to admire them and he kissed her on the head softly. "What are they for?"

"No reason Jude, just because."

"Oh." She smiled fully.

"Why are you wearing my shirt? Not that I mind I just…"

"You know what today is Timothy?"

"No…what?"

"12 weeks."

"Oh…12 weeks already." He hadn't realized. Twelve weeks was three full months, which met they were about to be one third of the way through the pregnancy already.

"And after ya left I started thinking that I was going to need some thing to wear around the house…although yar shirts aren't big enough for me to wear them nine months…then I just decided I like wearing it."

"Y-you look beautiful in it."

"Thank you sweetheart." She smiled, leaning down to smell the flowers he'd brought her. She placed them on the counter behind them instead of on the island counter.

"I'm glad you like them." Timothy said, wrapping his arms around her from behind and holding her tightly. She giggled and turned around to face him.

"I love them." She told him, wrapping her arms around him so she could kiss him.

Jude closed her eyes, soon getting lost in the kiss she started. She tilted her head trying to find another angle to pursue him from but her eyes flashed open when she felt herself being lifted into his arms. Timothy sat her on the edge of the counter, her feet dangling off the side. He placed his palms on either side of her so as to steady himself and began to kiss her again, slowly pressing his weight into her and forcing her to lye down. Jude kissed him greedily, wrapping one arm around his neck as she scooted further back onto the counter and he joined her finding his way on top, kicking off his shoes as he did so. Timothy had decided that he would surprise her this time, figuring that nothing else he could do would likely make her happier.

Jude wrapped her legs around his calves, moaning as she felt him slide his shirt slowly up her body. It had been kind of cloudy and colder than usual that day and Jude could hear the rain begin to fall from the corner of her ear. Most of her senses were enthralled though; with the way her husband's kisses trailed so delicately along her neck and jawbone.

"Timothy!" She gasped.

By now, she was used to the idea that Timothy liked to tease her and take all the time in the world with the little details. She supposed that at the end of the day, it was part of what made loving him so addictive and intoxicating. Timothy's fingers found their way to the buttons of the top and slowly began to undo them one by one as they kissed. Jude moaned when he opened the shirt. She wore her pink silk bra underneath and he decided to leave it. Timothy pulled the shirt back exposing her shoulder so that he could kiss it. When he had her totally distracted with kissing her neck, shoulders and chest, he sat out to do his real work, taking her totally by surprise.

"Timothy!" She gasped when she felt him rock her body for the first time that evening.

Timothy didn't allow her to speak further and brought his lips back to hers almost forcefully. Jude reached up and wrapped her arms tightly around him, not in a loving gesture but as if she was preparing to hold on.

By this time, Timothy and Jude knew each other like a book. They'd been married almost three months. In some ways they were still like newlyweds, in others it was as if they'd been together forever. Sex counted for both of those things. They knew each other fundamentally better in everyway because of that act and while it had made them more knowledgeable of each other it hadn't made it dull, or monotonous, in fact, experience had helped to sharpen the intimacy both emotionally and physically.

Timothy didn't speak this entire time, instead choosing to place his lips back on hers, sometimes snaking his tongue back into her mouth every time she spoke. Jude's hold around his neck intensified as his assault on her body did. She moaned, pulling herself up further toward him and placing her cheek solidly against his as she hugged his neck tightly, clinging to him with desperation as things became more intense.

"Timothy, Timothy…oh…."

Timothy gently took her head and lye it back on the counter. She pushed himself up on his hands and looked down at her, studying her eyes very carefully.

"My Timothy are you real, or you a dream?" She whispered, running her fingers through his hair.

"That's funny my Jude." He kissed her forehead. "I was just about to ask the same of you."

…

"Um…." Jude mumbled as she stirred from her sleep.

It was still hot outside and Jude and Timothy had slept with all the windows open the night before. Now that was early in the morning, a steady, but gentle breeze blew in the room from outside, tickling Jude's senses as she awoke. She wasn't a huge fan of the heat, pregnant or not. She opened her eyes, blinking a few times as she came to a full state of consciousness.

Jude was thankful for the light breeze that for a moment, seemed to make the room feel almost chilly. At the same time, she knew the winter would come soon enough. In just weeks, it would start to get cold and instead of being too hot, they would almost freeze, huddled inside their little house as her belly began to swell. In a way, Jude couldn't wait for that part, she longed to feel her baby and bond with him or her, even before birth.

"Um good morning Mrs. Howard." Timothy greeted, he leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

"Hi." She gave him a big smile, leaning her forehead against his.

"Someone grew overnight." Timothy whispered.

Jude looked down as her husband placed his hand over her stomach, his hand caressing the red silk ever so gently. She laughed joyfully, noticing a tiny little bump that hadn't been there the night before.

"Oh Timothy, look at that! There he is!"

"Yes. There he is." Timothy began to kiss Jude, rolling her over and pressing her onto her back as he climbed on top of her.

"Timothy, don't crush the baby." She whispered in between kisses.

"Shu, Jude I wouldn't dream of crushing our little girl." He whispered.

"Um, how do you know it's a little girl?"

"She's a girl."

Jude giggled, wrapping her arms around him as Timothy continued to kiss her. He was overjoyed, as Jude was to see the first 'glimpse' of their child in this tiny little bump. Now, though, he was more disturbed by Jude wearing the vile red slip than ever. He knew it was ridiculous, but he hated that he saw the first vestige of his child through the fabric of this slip that Mary had defiled. It turned his stomach. He didn't want his child to have anything to do with Mary Eunice or with the slip.

Timothy was already a very devoted Father even though he wouldn't really be one for several months. He loved this baby more than anything. He had no idea that Mary Eunice was also carrying his child. But if he did: he would have grave concerns for that baby's safety. In fact, he would be making plans to get it away from her once it was born and raise it with Jude alongside their own baby.

Timothy looked down at Jude who smiled up sweetly at him as when he pulled away. He so hoped their child had her smile. He thought it was one of the loveliest things about his wife and wanted to see it on their baby. The red slip caught Timothy's eye once again when Jude placed her hand on her very tiny baby bump. The bump was almost too small to account for anything save a little weight gain on Jude's part, but it had a distinctive shape that looked more like pregnancy than fat. Right now it was a nameless, near formless little thing, almost like a lump of clay waiting for the artist to mold its shape. But the lump of clay meant everything to the two of them. He felt a surge of desperation run through him, what he judged to be a strong desire to protect his wife and baby. She smiled deeply as she caressed the fabric in an attempt to feel all she could of their unborn child who rested underneath the silk barrier.

Suddenly, Timothy found himself filled almost with an uncontrollable rage. He leaned down and placed his hands just above his wife's breasts, gripping the fabric there. Soon there was no turning back, his idea had been put into action before he really considered it fully. He held one side of the silk fabric tight and pulled the other down with force, ripping the red silk slip in half, he stopped when he got to her midsection, about where the baby rest within her.

Jude held her breath, her eyes growing wide in fear and confusion. Passion was one thing and she didn't mind it at all, but that look in his eye…it was almost hateful. Was this was how it was going to be, after all? Was he going to…to rape her? It was still rape when a husband did it, right? Jude panicked and tried to back up underneath him. Timothy's eyes softened and his anger faded when he realized he'd scared her.

"Oh Jude! Oh no, no my love, never anything like that!" He kissed her forehead very sweetly.

Jude stared up at him still in shock over what he'd done, Timothy allowed his hand to brush down her side and find its way to the little bump, he smiled, caressing it with his hand, skin to skin. Jude couldn't help but smile amid her fear as she looked down at it.

"T-there it is, is that what you wanted to see?" She asked nervously of the baby.

"I hate that slip." He whispered.

"I know you do." She paused, wanting to ask him why he hated it. She didn't think he disliked red.

"No wife or child of mine should have a part with that filthy slip."

Jude tilted her head, giving him a questioning gaze. He sighed.

"Is this because of my past?" She was hurt.

"No. It's because of my past. Jude…."

He didn't want to taint this beautiful morning with this kind of news, especially when the morning had been marked by the emerging presence of their baby, it was a precious moment he couldn't get back and didn't want to ruin.

"What sweetheart?" She closed her eyes, allowing herself to relax a little.

"Mary…" Her eyes flashed open when he uttered her former mentee's name. "When you first became a patient, Mary Eunice and I went through your belongings. That's when I first saw the slip." He smiled as he paused. "I couldn't help but imagine it draping over your shoulder." He moved the strap of one side off of her shoulder gently as he kissed it. "Or best of all…your delicate curves filling the thing….that….that didn't leave my mind for days Jude especially because I had this feeling that you wore it and thought of me."

"I did. I used to wear it for you, under my habit, of course ya didn't know it…why'd ya wreck it, that made it ours."

Timothy sighed when she asked this.

"Mary said she was giving away your things. I let her take them, but then decided against it and took them to storage myself so they'd be waiting for you when you got out. When I got there though, one thing was missing: the slip."

"T-Timothy what are you trying to tell me?"

"Mary Eunice kept your slip. She wore it when she took my virtue Jude."

Timothy knew without a doubt that he made a mistake when he told her this, fire seemed to start in her eyes and he didn't think he'd ever seen her angrier in his life.

"She was trying to take my place by your side." Jude said through nearly gritted teeth.

She started to think about her husband in these moments and began to worry about how much it may have hurt him that she kept wearing it after his rapist wore it while she attacked him.

"I know that my rare bird. That's what the devil likes to try to do: put brother against brother, divide man and wife…and at that time I'd failed to see we should've been man and wife. All that time and even before. But do not worry."

Jude's anger faded and was replaced with shock once more as he put his hands roughly back on the silk and began to rip it once more, tearing it all the way down to its hem and allowing it to fall completely to her sides. Timothy hurriedly and almost roughly removed the destroyed slip from his wife's body as he kissed her neck.

"I promise she will not take your place, or divide us or ever touch that baby. No she will never ever touch any child of mine!" Timothy, of course, had no idea what he was saying. Jude understood in a moment that he was upset that he first saw the baby through the slip.

"Timothy I'm so sorry." She whispered, wrapping her arms around him.

"It's alright love, you didn't have any idea."

Jude felt even more horrible that she'd worn the thing on their wedding night, it explained why he'd just ripped it off of her like he had: roughly and almost passionately.

"Let me make it up to you Timothy."

She kissed him softly, but just once, allowing her kisses to trail down his lips to his chin and slowly down his neck to his chest. She planned on kissing him all the way down his abs and to his groin but he stopped her. Timothy took a deep breath, savoring his wife's kisses. Timothy stopped her as soon as she reached his waist, pulling her back up above their covers. Timothy began to kiss her, parting her lips gently with his tongue. He'd been perfectly aware of what she was about to do for him but it wasn't what he wanted in the moment.

"It's the eyes Jude." He said, resting his forehead against hers. "I want to look into your eyes.

"Oh do ya?" She asked teasingly.

"Yes I do. They're the key to everything."

Timothy had always found something he liked in Jude's eyes, but after his rape they had become a refuge for him. He could not forget Mary's eyes while she violated him: dark and determined, they still bore an eerie sliver of the young nun's former light. Even now, Timothy didn't know what haunted him more about those eyes, the devil that tortured him, or the young girl begging to be let out. Jude provided solace from those memories. Only love, warmth, appreciation and just the right amount of lust radiated from her chocolate pools, inviting him in to become one with her.

"The key ta everything, huh?"

"Oh yes. They are full of love and empathy…and innocence."

Jude laughed at the idea that her eyes were filled with innocence. She didn't realize that her time with him had changed her, bringing a new light into her soul, a renewed hope in the world that garnered its own kind of innocence.

"They certainly are Jude. They are everything because they're the windows to your soul and your very soul is my whole world."


	12. Not Tonight

Chapter 12- Not Tonight

October 1965

"Ya know, this was supposed ta be a surprise." Jude chastised teasingly, laying her head back against Timothy's neck.

Timothy stood behind Jude holding her in his arms as she cooked. He cradled her and they rocked back and forth to the tune of the soft jazz that played in the background, almost dancing even as most of their attention was focused elsewhere. Both of their hands came to rest on her fast growing stomach. Timothy's large hands almost covered her entire middle even partially covering her own hand. Jude was much larger now and was nearly six months pregnant. If you were there, it would seem as if the unborn baby took center stage, at least, for a moment or two.

"And it is a wonderful surprise." He leaned down and kissed her on the lips.

"Timothy I wanted to do this for ya…not with ya."

"That's nice, but this is fun too. And this, this is amazing." He said, rubbing her stomach softly.

"What?" She asked, paying more attention to the cooking than she was to her husband.

"The baby, it's moving…a lot." He laughed. The baby had started kicking weeks before, but he and Jude were still overwhelmed by it and couldn't get enough of feeling or talking to the baby.

"I think she just likes her Daddy's hug." Jude said because she liked the hug. It made her feel loved and made her aching back feel better too.

"No." He laughed. "I think she's dancing like Mommy and Daddy were."

The baby actually had been dancing; bouncing up and down and kicking to the rhythm of the music her parent's were listening to.

"Nah." Jude teased. She too believed that the baby had been dancing and he knew that. "She just loves Daddy."

"Well I certainly hope she does because I can't wait to meet her."

"Oh yes you can, she's got three and a half more months and I don't want anything happening to this little angel."

"Neither do I Jude, neither do I." He kissed her shoulder. "I never, in my life, thought I'd be someone's Father."

"I've wanted, all my life to be a Mother…and I thought it was too late far me…I wrote it off so long ago and I love this baby so much…I think I'm a little afraid I'll screw this up."

"Oh Jude you're going to make the perfect Mommy you won't mess anything up, I promise. No one who loves a baby as much as you love ours could mess this up that badly. Oh, do you feel that, there's another one!" He asked of another kick.

"Oh yes I do." Jude laughed.

"You are going to make a perfect Mother." He reassured.

"I hope so." She said, allowing one of her hands to move back down to her stomach.

"I promise." He kissed her neck. "Jude are you…making what I think you're making?"

"Um." She purred, resting the back of her head against his shoulder. "If ya think I'm makin yar favorite then yes, yes I am."

She giggled as he engaged her lips with his own. He loved it when he kissed her sort of upside down like this. In some strange way it felt almost more intimate. Jude felt his hands still on her belly as he caressed her in his embrace and he returned to rocking her to the tune of the music, the baby still seeming to bounce around almost excitedly inside her.

Timothy paused, happy to feel their child who was a manifestation of their love in the flesh. He smiled, thinking that whoever this little person was, he or she seemed so happy already and it was amazing. Their unborn baby's joy somehow took him back to Briarcliff for a moment because it, and their whole lives now were in such complete contrast to life at the asylum.

In hindsight, Timothy realized how horrible life there had been and he could barely believe that he and Jude had once went about the place with routines…like being there was normal. Timothy buried his head in his wife's shoulder as he held her, so grateful for how things had turned out. He could never, for a moment, imagine any child of his having anything to do with Briarcliff and tried to wipe the thought from his memory the moment it crossed his mind.

"I love you Jude. Thank you for making my very favorite." He said, kissing her bare shoulder once more.

"Ummm I love you more Timothy." She promised. Timothy sighed, happy that the coq au vin was the one thing from Briarcliff that they were going to keep.

…

Mary Eunice sighed, shutting the big wooden door to Jude's old room behind her. It was her room now but it didn't feel like home …in fact, living there made her feel uncomfortable, as though she were infringing on her former mentor's territory. Mary felt such sorrow over the loss of Jude. The anguish only seemed to increase every time she walked into this place that she still thought of as Jude's. But Mary had no choice except to make it her refuge.

She was exhausted and felt like she'd just been beaten senseless, every inch of her body ached beyond reason. She supposed that was to be expected, keeping these hours in her condition. Being head of Briarcliff was demanding and in hindsight she had more respect for Jude now than ever before. Every morning she got up at five and didn't get back to her room until late at night, giving her little time to relax and stay off her feet. Mary grimaced as she removed her shoes, finally giving her swollen feet some semblance of relief after a day's worth of walking. She took a deep breath, beginning to remove her habit, the heavy fabric slid off, leaving her in just her slip.

"Hi sweetheart." She whispered very quietly, caressing her unborn baby's frame.

Mary could barely believe she was getting away with this. She was eight months pregnant and somehow her habit still concealed the baby, although barely. She knew that by the end of the ninth month she might not be so lucky. Dr. Arden insisted that you couldn't tell she was pregnant when she wore her habit but Mary thought some of the older nuns, the ones close to Mother Claudia's age, who were nurses, could tell. Mary knew she walked differently and that her exhaustion sometimes displayed its self almost as if it went before her. For that reason, Arden had put her on a strict diet in the hopes that she wouldn't gain much more weight. The diet kept the baby well nourished but left her feeling tired, drained and hungry.

Mary lay down on the bed and closed her eyes, allowing her hand to stay on the baby. She had to consciously work not to stroke her stomach during the day and she found it very difficult to do so. The child would kick, roll around and even respond to noises. Briarcliff was no doubt a frightening place and sometimes, she could tell that her baby was scared. The infant would suddenly jump and begin to kick frenetically when a patient was completely out of control and making noise. Mary had to fight everything in her to not place her hands on her stomach and try to soothe him when this happened. Mary was scared, she didn't know how she was going to be a Mother to this child, but it was in moments like these that she realized she was a Mother no less.

"Mommy's sorry honey." She whispered. "We're going to go and stay with Dr. Arden again this weekend…Mommy will be able to pay more attention to you there."

Mary jumped when she heard a loud knock on her door. She sighed and sat up, reaching for her habit, expecting that she'd have to get up to deal with some ridiculous emergency.

"Who is it?" She called coldly.

"Sister, it's just me." Arden informed.

"Oh." Mary dropped her habit and instead put on her robe before answering the door. "Hi Dr. Arden." She smiled.

Arden paused for a moment, staring at her in her beige slip. It made her pregnancy very obvious but still managed to make her attractive…almost enticing. Arthur quickly put these thoughts out of his mind and shut the door behind him quickly so no one would walk by and see Mary.

"I've brought you a gift."

"Oh Arthur that's so sweet!" She squealed, taking the package from him.

Arthur couldn't help but smile. He was angry with Mary Eunice for all that had happened but now that she was back, he couldn't help but enjoy seeing her genuinely happy, especially because it happened so rarely now.

"Ooh it's for the baby! It's a big blanket….and it's blue!" Mary looked over the blanket and smiled at him. She had nothing for this baby and was excited to finally get something. "Arthur, are we thinking this baby's a boy?"

"Perhaps." He said, pretending not to care as much as she.

"Good! I think so too." She caught Arden smile a little out of the corner of her eye when she turned to put down the blanket.

Truthfully, part of the old Nazi was excited. He'd loved Mary's purity and still mourned it. Despite the fact that she was 'herself' now he'd never fully see her the same way again…but the baby was another story. He or she would give him the chance to see that purity once more and this time, to protect it. Mary's child was going to be his one chance to be involved in something indisputably good in life and while he wouldn't admit it to her, the idea of being Uncle Arthur was growing on him a little.

"I-I knew you'd be hungry, so I also brought you…"

"The bacon sandwich! Oh the bacon sandwich thank you Arthur!" Mary bit into the sandwich right away. "The new Monsignor…" She said in between bites. "He wouldn't let me rest during dinner and I had to leave the dining hall and," She took another bite. Arden was growing displeased by her words. "And they didn't have anything saved for me when I came back."

Arthur didn't really know how to react. The truth was, the new Monsignor was a slave driver who didn't like Mary Eunice and kept her on her feet as often as he could. The relationship reminded him of what is relationship with Jude had been like, except the hostilities were much worse and totally unprovoked. The new Monsignor hadn't been there when Mary was, as she insisted "possessed by the devil" and didn't know anything but the "real" Mary Eunice: the one no reasonable person could find fault with. Arden couldn't understand who would dislike the real Mary so much and felt angered about it, like he wanted to protect her from this man... That in its self bothered him…he'd never felt sentimental or, protective toward anyone in his life and it sort of…scared him….He could, however, relate to one other emotion he was feeling on the matter and he channeled all his feeling over the issue into it: anger.

"Well that's why you tell me. If he denies you anything: food, a break…I'll make sure to get it for you." Arden was in the middle of trying to wrap the new Monsignor around his finger anyway, for the sake of his research. "Anyway Sister, I better be going…."

"No!" She said, a little too excitedly. "No, please sit, stay for a while."

"I wish I could. But, there's a storm coming. Besides. I have a surprise for you for when you come to my place."

Mary smiled deeply as she shut the door behind him, wondering what the surprise could be. She was excited but much too exhausted to enjoy that feeling. She finished her sandwich and climbed into bed.

"Mommy's so tired and she hopes all this isn't hurting you baby…" She whispered, rubbing her side. "She's sorry she lets that horrible Monsignor treat us like that…your Daddy was the Monsignor did you know that?" She whispered impossibly quietly.

Mary found herself sniffling as she closed her eyes. She'd told herself she wasn't going to do this. Truthfully, Mary wished Timothy were there, not because of the baby but because this new Monsignor was the exact opposite of him. Timothy would never ever treat her this way: she knew it…Mary continued to cry into her pillow: thinking about it this way was painful too. She didn't think Timothy, who used to sweetly call her little sister, would ever hurt her…so how could he have raped her? Mary was hurt, and longed for better times when Jude would've been there to comfort her. She understood what had happened to her, but not what she'd done to everyone else and was desperately confused.

"It's okay baby." Mary sighed. "We may be alone, but we'll figure it all out together. You and Mommy."

…

"Ya know, once the baby comes we're not gonna have this kind of time to ourselves Timothy." Jude giggled.

She was enjoying their little candlelit dinner but couldn't foresee having one once the baby arrived, at least not for a while.

"Oh Jude I know, but it will be great, it'll just be a different kind of happy time together."

Jude smiled, cradling her stomach as she watched her husband eat his favorite thing. She liked to see him happy, but the coq au vin had been a little too acidic for her this time around and so she was eating very slowly.

"Ooh…" She whispered, jumping a little.

Jude was startled by these rhythmic little beats she started to feel across her stomach. They didn't hurt but they were foreign to her. They felt kind of like a kick or a heartbeat…or maybe even a muscle spasm, only they weren't any of those things.

"Jude what…what's happening…" He asked, startled by her sudden moment of pause.

"I-I don't know I…" Jude stopped for a moment her serious expression faded quickly and she began to giggle when she realized what was happening. "Timothy I think she has the hiccups."

"You're serious?" She nodded, smiling. "I didn't know they could…"

"You haven't been reading those baby books you keep bringing me very carefully, have you?" She teased, taking a sip of her water.

"Not that part, no." Timothy had been more focused on learning what to do once the baby actually came just so he knew what to expect. "Does she really…"

"Yap. She does." Jude giggled. "And that explains it."

"Explains what?"

"The coq au vin…it doesn't agree with _her_." Until now, Jude just thought she felt a little off but it was really the baby who didn't like the coq au vin and wasn't tolerating it well.

"Oh Jude I-I'm sorry."

"It's alright, it's a really rich, grown-up food and too much for tiny baby taste buds and underdeveloped tummies I think."

"Well, I suppose you were wrong Jude."

"About what?"

"We don't have to wait for the baby to arrive for things to really begin to change."

"No, no we don't." She admitted, relieved when he smiled. He got on his feet and walked over to her, reaching for her hand. "Would you care to dance my Jude?" He asked, the jazz still playing in the background. She looked up at him, smiling brightly as she accepted his hand.

"Oh Timothy I'd love to." Timothy pulled her into his arms and leaned his forehead head against hers as they began to dance across the kitchen floor.

….

"Should he be a Howard?" Mary asked Dr. Arden over dinner a few days later.

"Sister have you gone mad?" Arden raised an eyebrow.

Mary Eunice felt kind of shamed by the tone of his words and now wished she wouldn't even have asked. She watched as he cut his steak quickly and methodically, seeming to attack it without mercy. He'd made the steaks extremely rare, saying he liked it that way and apparently that it was good for the baby that way. His almost seemed to ooze with blood still as he poked and jabbed into it with his knife and fork. Mary took a breath and continued.

"It's just that that's the baby's name…it is a Howard. I don't know it…it was just something I was thinking about."

"Mary Eunice you can't name an illegitimate child after a Father who doesn't even know he exists." Arden reminded, making Mary feel even worse.

Her hands dropped to her stomach, cradling herself almost protectively. Mary could feel herself her soul or her essence or something, growing more introverted by the second now, as if she were trying to crawl back into some kind of shell or perhaps just shrink down to the size of nothing. She looked up when she heard Arthur sigh.

"You know he's not coming back, and he wouldn't care, right Mary?" Arthur asked. Mary nodded.

Mary thought about Timothy, only because she carried part of him inside of her. She knew that one day, maybe she'd have to think of Timothy and how he was to figure out something about this child. Arthur seemed to think that she wanted to find him; that she actually wanted something to work out between them and thought it could. She didn't, but his mockery of her in this hurt a lot.

"Anyway Sister." Arden continued. "If you re not hungry." She hadn't touched her dinner in a few minutes, mostly because of the discussion over the baby being a Howard. "Then go in the other room and take a look, I have a surprise for you."

Mary Eunice raised an eyebrow, putting down her napkin as she got up. She'd almost forgotten about the surprise Arthur had brought her here to see.

"Wow, you got me a crib!" She cried.

Mary didn't realize that Arthur played up Timothy's absence not to hurt her but to boost his own self-esteem. For the first time in his life, Arthur Arden actually did care…and he had no idea how to handle it.

….

A few weeks later, November 25, 1965: Thanksgiving Day

"Yar setting that up a little early, aren't ya?" Jude asked, leaning against the door as she dried her hands with a towel from the kitchen.

"No Jude…it's three from months today." He spoke of her due date. "We should be ready and not rushed when she comes."

Timothy hoped she wouldn't notice that he hadn't gotten very far with this crib-building thing and that he didn't really know what he was doing.

"What are ya gonna do if it's a boy?" She asked, looking around the nursery, admiring the baby pink walls he'd painted. Timothy paused.

"Apologize to my son and paint the walls blue or green or something….but the womb is pink…isn't it? That should make him feel at home when he's very tiny."

Jude giggled at this. She hadn't wanted pink even for a girl she'd wanted a very unconventional kind of light blue…not a stereotypical baby blue but a scenic, calming kind of ocean color, the kind of tone that by its very nature, would put them at ease as they were caring for the baby. But somehow or another, Timothy had won out on baby pink.

"Are ya hungry sweet baby?" Jude giggled, caressing her stomach softly as she went out into the other room. She smiled as she wandered back into the kitchen, feeling the baby kick happily beneath her touch. The baby never seemed to stop kicking and Jude found her child's company immensely soothing.

They were going to have a small but traditional Thanksgiving, and both were excited. They had a lot to be thankful for and it was going to be their first big holiday together. They'd done most of the cooking already but just had to finish the turkey. Timothy could smell it roasting in the oven and it made his stomach grumble.

"I'll be out to help you finish dinner in a minute!" Timothy called a few minutes later. "If I ever figure this out that is…" He whispered to himself as he overlooked two of the crib pieces in his hands.

"Timothy!" Jude shrilled suddenly.

Timothy threw down the crib pieces he'd been holding and rushed to the kitchen at the sound of her anguished cries. He could tell right away that something was very wrong, but it wasn't until he saw her that he truly began to panic. Timothy swallowed as he felt his heart begin to pick up pace, pounding audibly in his ears. He didn't notice all the details at first, initially only seeing that she was bent over a little, clutching her stomach and screaming in pain.

Timothy froze for a moment, not knowing even how to breathe. A million thoughts went through his mind in that moment about what was happening and all of them scared him to death.

"Timothy!" She cried, she was sobbing now. "I can't feel her Timothy!"

Timothy's heart dropped into his stomach when he looked closer and realized she was fully doubled over now, blood dripping down her legs.

"Jude! W-what is it?" He asked, hoping the panic in his face didn't show its self. "Did you…."

"I don't know, I don't know I just started…oh….!" She screamed. "Timothy, I think I'm loosing our baby…."

…

"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! Oh! Oh!" While Jude was being rushed to the hospital, Mary Eunice was having some pregnancy related discomfort of her own.

"Mary you're going to have to be a little quieter now. Or I'm going to have to put you under and take him out."

Dr. Arden had performed a lot of different procedures in his lab over the years: lobotomies, amputations, scores upon scores of experiments that he couldn't begin to explain to you…but he'd never before delivered a baby, and he was not terribly excited about doing so.

"No, no." Mary cried. "Is something wrong?" She asked breathlessly.

"No." He told her, laying a washcloth over her forehead. "It's just that you're in the middle of very hard labor. You're supposed to feel like this."

"Ahhhhhhh!" Mary reached out to try to cling to Arthur's hand but he didn't take it from her. "Please! Please!" She cried. "Please!" She yelled this time. Arthur was hesitant but then finally took Mary's hand just so she'd be quiet. "Ahhhhh!"

"Mary Eunice. I think it's best if I just give you something for the pain and…."

"Ahhhhhhhhhh! No, no please." Mary said, catching her breath. "Please I wanna have him the normal way; please."

She knew very well that Arthur just wanted to perform a c-section. She worried for her baby's safety that way. As much of a help as Arthur had become, something in her told her that if she had a c-section, he might see it as a way to snuff out her child's life just as it should be taking its first breath and then try to tell her there had been a complication. She felt bad for thinking this, but the baby's safety came first. Besides, she had no desire to recover from an operation, especially since she'd have to hide it from this entire Asylum.

"Alright, it's your risk Sister." He sighed.

"Uggggg!"

Mary collapsed in the pillows when the contraction ended.

"Mary Eunice this is only going to get harder." Dr. Arden warned, taking the cloth from her head and soaking it in cold water once again. "And remember no one can know what we're doing here, or about the baby…it would be easier to deliver via c-section, I could have you sewed back up and have the baby in your arms before you even have to start pushing."

"No, no, I'll be better, I promise. Just let me push him out. I can do it, please."

"Alright. But for the third time; be quieter Mary."

…..

Waiting had never been so hard on Timothy in his life. Hours passed and no one told him anything about Jude and her condition. Timothy sighed, placing his head in his hands. He was in a room full of other men, all expectant Fathers, who were waiting to hear about the birth of healthy babies…and he had no idea what to think, or what had happened….or even if Jude was alright; baby aside…but the thing was; he wasn't alright with baby aside. He adored his unborn child and couldn't wait to meet him…or her…only tonight wasn't supposed to be the night he sat in the Father's waiting room. And when he did, he was supposed to be excited, and on pins and needles, worrying a little about his wife, and mostly, anxious to hold that baby in his arms.

Timothy wiped a tear from his eye at the idea of his little daughter. He really, really wanted her and he just knew it was going to be a girl. He couldn't stand to think about that now, but it wouldn't leave his mind. He sat there praying for a miracle as he watched nurse after nurse return to this little room, arriving excitedly and announcing "You may see your wife now" in this jubilant tone that had been said so many times it met nothing to him now. It had been an hour since he'd given up the hope of being called next. One man had even come and gone since he'd arrived.

Timothy knew one thing for sure though. He wanted to be with his Jude. He felt like that was a huge part of his anguish; not knowing where she was or what she was going through. He knew he needed to be there to comfort her and it hurt him that he could not. Timothy promised himself that if there was ever a next time for this kind of thing he would refuse to leave his wife's side no matter what.

"Mr. Howard?" Timothy looked up when he heard a nurse call.

"Yes."

"You may see your wife now."

"I-I can?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Timothy didn't waste another moment and rushed down the hall behind the nurse. He knew he could've asked her what happened but he was too stuck in his thoughts, trying to prepare himself for the inevitable: that he'd get to Jude and she wouldn't be pregnant anymore; that the baby would be dead.

"Timothy." Jude cried holding out her arms for him as he rushed to hug her.

"Sweetheart, are you alright?" He asked, cradling her face in his hands. She nodded. "The baby?"

"She's okay, the baby's okay!"

"Oh Jude!"

Jude smiled, seeing the pure joy in her husband's face. She leaned into him and kissed him, he replied kissing her lips gratefully.

"Oh Jude…I, I can't tell you how…how thankful…"

"I know sweetheart. Here." She said, taking his hand and placing it on her stomach.  
He looked down, overjoyed that her big baby bump was still there. He hadn't noticed when he came in the room as he'd been so focused on the fact that she had been holding her arms out for him.

"Can ya feel her kick?" Jude laughed through her tears.

"Yes, yes I can." He smiled, a tear rolling down on his own cheek.

"Our baby's just fine Timothy." She smiled. "She's a strong one and a fighter."

"Just like Mommy." He said, resting his forehead against hers. "W-what happened?"

"She wanted ta be born early, that's all. Nothing's wrong with her, or with me." She said. "Which is why I have to stay in bed until she's born."

"Jude that's three months!"

"I know. But it's not total bed rest. I can shower, I can walk around, they said I could even do some light Christmas shopping…if I'm careful. " She said, brushing her hand across her stomach. "It's just more rest than not, more pressure off my feet than not, more bed than not and it's the only chance she's got. If I do that though; she'll be just fine when she's born."

"Really did they say…"

"I heard her heart beating Timothy." She smiled. "It was so strong for someone who's not ready to live out here on her own, it's because she doesn't have lungs that work yet. She's too little far that."

"Oh." He'd known that and the idea had terrified him the whole time he'd been waiting.

"In fact, that's the other thing."

"What?"

"They said she's measuring little far her age."

"She's little. D-did they say why?" He was alarmed.

"No, they don't know why, but they did say there's a lota room and time left far her to grow. We just have to work on making her bigger…she's strong though, healthy."

"Feeling her kick, alone makes me think that." He laughed.

"Well either way." Jude smiled, placing her hand over his as he cradled her stomach. "She's gonna be okay, we just have ta keep her inside Mommy." Timothy kissed Jude thankfully, leaning his head against hers as he did so.

…

"I'm not ready!" Mary cried, desperate to postpone what was about to happen. "Ahhhhh!"

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not!' Mary exclaimed through her tears. She was sobbing now.

"Yes you are, or rather, the baby is. Push Mary, push down."

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!"

"Push! There we go Mary. There we go, baby's coming very fast."

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Damn you Timothy!" She screamed.

Arden wanted to laugh at this but kept it inside for Mary's sake. Soon, the baby's tears overtook the room.

"Congratulations Mary Eunice, you have a son."

"Oh he's so tiny!" Mary cried, looking up at the baby almost in a panic.

She was overwhelmed, trying not only to recover physically from what had just happened, but seeing the baby was…well intimidating. In that moment it was all too real for her and she didn't know what she was going to do. Dr. Arden thought the baby almost seemed to scare her. He watched her face as she observed the crying infant and realized, without question that she was afraid, finally coming to her senses as he'd wanted her to for the past several months only now it was too late.

"Yes Mary, he's tiny." He laughed, deciding to try to be somewhat encouraging. "Would you like to hold him?"

Mary nodded and smiled kind of apprehensively, holding out her arms for her son as she started to cry again, her tears joining the baby's.

"What do I do with him?!" She asked, seeming at first to barely know how to hold him.

"It's alright Mary." He urged, watching her struggle to hold her son securely in her arms. "You'll find your way with him." He said once she seemed to have a better grip on the boy. Mary looked down, just staring for a moment, horrified at the screaming baby in her arms.

"H-hi." Mary began; reached out and placed her finger in his tiny scrunched up palm, almost jumping when he accepted it, squeezing it tightly. "Hi my little boy. My little Alexander Arthur McKee."

"Arthur? Are you sure?" Dr. Arden asked, she could tell that he was touched.

"I'm sure." She smiled up at him, her eyes turning back quickly to her baby. "He has my eyes." She giggled, growing more comfortable now.

She knew she was falling in love with her baby the more and more by the second and although she was scared there was no going back. Dr. Arden leaned over and looked into the tiny boy's now open eyes. Alex stared back up at them, a little bit of fear obvious in his own face.

"It could change." Arden advised. "He could end up with his Father's eyes."

…

This whole thing was upsetting to Dr. Arden. He was still mourning Mary's purity. After helping her have a baby, he didn't think he could ever see her as pure again and it hurt. On the other hand, there was the baby. Mary fell asleep not long after the birth and Arden remained, holding the newborn in his arms. Arthur, who did not believe in God or the Devil, but knew evil firsthand, was afraid that the infant would be filled with the evil that had previously overtaken his Mother.

He was relieved that, having spent the past few hours tending to the boy, he seemed to have been errant about this conjecture. Alex was just a sweet, normal, little baby and very much carried his Mother's nature with him. Arden searched the boy's face for any sign that the baby was the Monsignor's son. Mostly, so far, he seemed to take after his Mother, but now, it didn't really matter. He was just hours old and he would change as he grew. Detail would fill in overtime and so would his Father. Arthur was sure of that.

Nonetheless, Arthur was overjoyed that this baby had no part with Timothy Howard, beyond DNA that couldn't be helped. He would not ever know him or grow to be like him or carry his name. Mary's notion that his last name be Howard had been more than a ridiculous one. However, he liked the name Alexander. Mary had had no idea where she'd gotten the baby's name came from. It had been stuck in her head for quite a while and she really liked it.

"Shu. shu." Arden felt ridiculous talking to the infant, but he was. "You don't have anything to cry about Alex. You see over there, on the table? That's your Mother and she's sleeping. She may be young, in a difficult place, and all alone in the world except for you, but don't underestimate her, alright? The truth is, I don't think that you could've asked for a better Mother." Arden admitted quietly, thinking about how she'd refused to abort or otherwise get rid of the tiny boy he now cradled in his arms. "She refuses to give up on you, so that's your job: don't give up on her no matter what happens. I don't know how she'll do it but she'll get you through. I'm confident of that."

….

"I'm so glad they're allowing me to stay overnight." Timothy said, kissing Jude's head. "I couldn't imagine leaving you now."

They were still in the hospital and he was in bed with her, his arms wrapped around her. She held his arms lovingly and securely around her frame, sighing as she sunk further in his embrace. It had been many long hours since this ordeal began and now Jude finally thought she could relax.

"I'd hate it if you left me now." She said, turning her head and kissing him softly. "Ya'd be in a lota trouble."

"I'm sure I would. I'm so happy our baby's okay." He said, rubbing her stomach softly, finding a place on her side where he could feel the baby kicking calmly. Deep inside he sighed with relief and unbelievable gratitude.

"Ya don't know how relieved I was to hear that little heartbeat Timothy. And ta feel her start movin again, now here she is, kicking up a storm. Its delightful."

Timothy sighed, kissing his wife's neck from his place behind her. He held his hand tightly to her stomach, trying to feel their child's every move. He'd been so afraid it was over and now he loved both Jude and their baby even more than he already had…and he didn't think that was even possible.

"Feeling her was already special and after tonight it feels like even more of a miracle." He said.

"Are ya alright in there sweetheart. It's Mommy and Daddy." Jude asked gently.

"It's Mommy and Daddy and you gave us quite a scare." He admitted.

The baby kicked again, seeming to respond to her parent's words and touch. Jude smiled as she looked back at Timothy, feeling this just at the same time he did, and leaned into him for another kiss. Jude kissed her husband's lips joyfully. She'd been focused partially on this kiss for several hours while they tried to stop her labor, looking forward to it for after the ordeal was done. Jude was so overwhelmingly glad they could share a happy kiss instead of a sorrow filled one.

"We love you angel." Jude said to the baby.

"We love you more than you can imagine." Timothy added.

"And more than the whole wide world." Jude said as she began to cry.

"Oh sweetheart, don't cry, don't get upset." Timothy hugged her tightly as she shifted slightly and lye her head on his chest.

"I-I can't help it we almost lost our baby."

"Sweetheart I know but you feel her…or him." Timothy paused.

They referred to the baby as a girl, because they thought it was, but both of them tried to break themselves of the habit from time to time, realizing that they needed to keep in mind that it could still be a little boy. Part of Timothy thought he'd really like to have a son, but most of him wanted a girl.

"I want to meet her very much, but I'm so happy you're not having my baby tonight Jude. She's not ready and neither are we."

He laughed with relief. The day's emotion had been overwhelming for Timothy and he'd realized he wasn't ready to be a Father….not today, but he wasn't about to tell her that. Nonetheless, his lack of being ready didn't detract from his excitement: in Timothy's mind, February couldn't come soon enough.

"No. No she's not." She said, brushing her stomach with her hand. He leaned down and kissed it softly. "Happy Thanksgiving Timothy."

"Happy Thanksgiving my love."


End file.
